The sheath taboo: How condom stigma could be fuelling the spread of HIV

There is something about buying a pack of condoms that makes many men uncomfortable. Send a man on a mission to have safe sex to buy protection and he quivers. Twenty-five-year-old Kisumu resident William Otieno know this too well. He prefers to buy his condoms in chemists where it feels more private, but sometimes he finds the chemists crowded with people who are there to buy medication.

“The looks people give you when you ask for a pack of condoms, leave you feeling very embarrassed. Sometimes, I end up buying something else instead of the condoms I had come for. There are times I have decided not to use a condom during sex, because the thought of being judged was greater than my resolve to buy the condoms.

Last month when he was meeting a girl he had met on social media for the first time, he paced outside a chemist for almost two hours, waiting for it to clear, just so he could buy his condoms in as much privacy as possible.

“I didn’t want to risk meeting someone I know inside … They know you might be having sex, because you are an adult with feelings, but they are not quite sure, so when they see you buying condoms, it is like you are announcing, yes, I am having sex openly,” he explains.

Sometimes, William feels judged by the people selling the condoms. He says they give him funny or knowing looks. Now, he buys his condoms under the cover of darkness, and even though he has been buying and using condoms for some years, the awkwardness that comes with buying them has never subsided.

OPEN DISPLAY

“It’s crazy, but if the only place I can get a condom is at the neighbourhood chemist or supermarkets where the cashier knows me, I’d rather not … I can’t stand the embarrassment and I fear that my interactions with them after that would always be awkward. When it is the only option, sometimes I have chosen to have sex without protection. This leads to more stress and I have to get tested, but luckily, the few times I have made this error of judgment, I have tested negative for HIV,” he reveals.

Such is the dilemma, young sexually-active men face every other day. They have to decide whether their need to have safe sex that protects them from HIV is greater than their fear of being seen buying condoms in public. This condom stigma could be fueling the spread of HIV in places like Nyanza, where despite many targeted campaigns against the spread of the virus, it continues to spread unabated.

In an informal survey for this story with 20 men in Kisumu, almost half (eight) admitted to have foregone using a condom during sex with a partner whose HIV status they did not know, just because they were too afraid to be seen buying condoms in public. And it was not for lack of trying. Most of them had either gone to supermarkets or pharmacies to buy the protective sheaths, but ended up chickening out and leaving without them, when they imagined being judged as people who have reckless sex, never mind that they were actually protecting themselves by buying condoms.

According to the National Aids Control Council (NACC) 65 per cent of 88, 622 new HIV infections occurred in just nine of the country’s 47 counties led by Homa Bay with 12, 279 new infections and followed by Kisumu with 10, 349 new infections. Others were Siaya (9,869), Migori (6,786), Kisii (4,891), Nakuru (4,127), Nairobi (3,098), Turkana (2,997) and Kiambu (2,931).

Jeremiah, who used to work as a cashier at a Kisumu supermarket, recalls that shoppers would often hide condoms under their other shopping, so does Edwin Akach, a pharmacy attendant in Kisumu who has been in the business for years.

“People will come in and say they want gumboots, socks, umbrella or polythene. They’ll never tell you directly what they want. At first it used to leave me very confused, but now I usually know what they are asking for,” he says.

Mr Akach adds that the condoms are no longer put away from sight, but on a visible shelf to make it easier for those who want to point at them without mentioning their names, but when there are other clients, condom clients tend to point at a different drug near the condoms.

A CALL AWAY

“It really is a pity that we should be embarrassed about choosing safe sex, but it is what it is,” says Felix aka Jalango, a popular comedian and radio host. While he has no qualms talking openly about condoms in the events he emcees, privately, he is just like any other man, who knows the hassle of trying to buy a condom discreetly. He recalls his own awkward moment with condoms when he bought some at a supermarket some years ago.

“It was late at night. I wanted to buy condoms and alcohol, but that would earn me double judgment, so I decided to take the condoms and leave the alcohol. When the cashier ran the pack of condoms at the point of sale, it didn’t read the price, so she shouted to her colleague to get her the code.

“I could feel my face go hot as everyone behind me on the queue and on adjacent queues either stared at me or whispered. It was very uncomfortable, and as I waited for the code to be found, I pretended that I was looking at the chewing gums nearby, to avoid making eye contact with anyone. Now I don’t buy condoms from supermarkets anymore.”

“We like to imagine that people are not having sex, unless they are married, so if you see someone buying a condom, you think it says something about their character, or lack of it,” he adds.

Luckily for men, the fear of being seen buying condoms in public led Faith Ndiwa to start a dial-a-condom service to deliver condoms to those who didn’t want to be seen buying condoms in public. In past interviews, Faith said she had started the business after seeing people get infected with HIV and dying of AIDS because they held back from buying sheaths. 

According to Dr Nduku Kilonzo, the executive director of NACC, a lot more needs to be done to destigmatise the use of condoms. She says that since sex abstinence campaigns have not reduced the spread of HIV, there needs to be a vigorous campaign, to make it normal to buy and use condoms, though in the past churches have protested against condom advertisements. She adds that a person buying a condom, should be applauded rather than judged because it shows that they are practising safe sex. Dr Kilonzo adds that if the environment was more conducive to buying condoms, sexually-active Kenyans would engage in safer sex thus reducing HIV prevalence.

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How do you feel about buying and using condoms?

Eunice Akinyi, 20, student

Buying condoms is embarrassing because people who see you buying them think you are openly immoral and promiscuous. I don’t mind using condoms to protect myself against pregnancy and HIV and other sexually transmitted infections, but I’d rather not be the one to buy them.

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Josphat Tabu, 35

I don’t mind buying condoms but I prefer to be served by a male cashier when I buy a pack because women are very judgmental. I can’t compromise on using condoms. Unless I know your HIV status, I would not be comfortable having sex without a condom.

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Rebecca Atieno, 30

The desire to protect yourself from HIV should be greater than the fear of being judged for buying a condom. People will always talk, and they will always find something new to talk about when you are gone. Don’t jeopardise your health because of a few minutes of awkwardness.

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Condoms in figures

42

The number of condoms each Kenyan athlete was to get on arrival at the Olympic Village in Rio. The Olympic Committee was to supply 450, 000 condoms to 10, 500 athletes at the games with 100, 000 of them being female condoms. 

50,000

The number of condoms alleged to have been distributed in hotels by Nairobi County along with other stakeholders where Tokyo International Conference of Africa’s Development (TICAD) delegates were staying. There were over 10,000 delegates including 35 heads of state and government. 

100 million

The number of condoms the government ordered for as an emergency measure to plug a shortage created by an unexpected surge in their usage in 2009.