In Summary

  • Some spouses sometimes have unexplained fears that cause anxiety and make them insecure.
  • Life has taught me that if I keep my eyes and my mind open to learning, there is a lot I can gain.

Hello Mr Kitoto,

I have been married for two years and we have been blessed with a baby boy, who is now a year old.

My greatest problem is my wife, who keeps accusing me of infidelity, yet I am innocent. She started the accusations when we were still dating. She has left me twice, but on both occasions I made an effort so we reconciled and got back together. We lived happily for a while before she started accusing me all over again. I have tried to tell her the truth but she just won’t listen.

We have sat down and discussed our problem with my sister as well as her mother and uncle, both of whom gave her very sound advice. We had some peace for a short time before she began accusing me again, this time claiming I have a photo of a half-naked woman in my memory card, yet she had seen that photo more than a year earlier.

The photo was taken before we met, but she does not want to accept my explanation. Right now it seems as if she is about to leave again. She has refused to cook and do the washing, which made me hold back financial support, not even money for supper.

My question is, should I let go and forget about her. I am very desperate because I want to have a stable family.

Hi,

I am not really sure whether your wife feels secure in the relationship. Of course this can be seen from the way she is behaving.

She is anxious and not settled. It is surprising that even after the meeting she has not told you the real reasons for her actions.

I believe that if she continues to act this way even after you have made full disclosure, then you might need to see a counsellor.

INSECURITY
Some spouses sometimes have unexplained fears that cause anxiety and make them insecure.

It can be difficult for you to deal with such insecurities fully.

However, with continued assurance and the help of a counsellor, it is possible to turn the corner with her and start reaping the fruits of the healing.

I suggest that when communicating, you look for a less confrontational environment where these issues can be discussed using words of affirmation and assurance rather than judgement.

Let her know that you love her and the child.

However, there is nothing you can do to change her.

Meaningful change can only come from within. She has to decide to share freely.

In all this, I hope that there are no parts of your life that you are keeping secret.

Your advice helped me make the right choice

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