MY WEEKEND: Are you a prisoner of your memory?

Last Sunday, someone left me amused after recounting a story about a friend of his whose wife has been giving him grief over an incident that happened 10 years ago.

PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • Over the years, on several occasions, this man has explained to his wife that this bone of contention had been one of three colleagues he had given a lift after an office party, which his wife knew about, and that as she could tell from that phone call many years ago, “that woman” had only called out of courtesy, after all, he had been kind enough to give her, and others, a lift.

Last Sunday, someone left me amused after recounting a story about a friend of his whose wife has been giving him grief over an incident that happened 10 years ago.

The storyteller had been having a drink with the harassed man, who, after a couple of beers, decided to unburden his heavy heart regarding this 10-year-old “sin” that his wife had decided to hold on forever.

It turns out that on that day, evening to be more specific, this man received a brief phone call from a woman. This is how the phone call went: “Hello, umefika?” to which this man replied, “Ehee (Yes)” and then promptly hang up. His wife, who was right there with him, immediately got up, turned on her heels and left the room in a huff.

From then on, and that was a decade ago if this man is to be believed, whenever the two have an argument, his wife brings up this phone call, and suggests that if he does not think she is good for him, then he should marry “that woman” instead. And if he happens to come home later than usual, his wife often asks him whether he was with “that woman.”

Over the years, on several occasions, this man has explained to his wife that this bone of contention had been one of three colleagues he had given a lift after an office party, which his wife knew about, and that as she could tell from that phone call many years ago, “that woman” had only called out of courtesy, after all, he had been kind enough to give her, and others, a lift.

This explanation, unfortunately, falls on deaf ears, and as it is, this man fears that this former colleague, whose face he does not even recall because he got another job soon after, will be shadow looming over his marriage for the rest of his life.

Meanwhile, in that decade gone by, the couple have had two children, one nine, the other five. And still that innocent phone call looms over their marriage, immediately whooping down and settling between them whenever they disagree.

This man was perturbed, wondering how his wife was able to carry around a 10-year-old memory when he had difficulty recalling what happened three months ago.

“What do I do?” the man eventually asked in exasperation after completing his story. According to the storyteller, at that point, he looked like a man on the verge of a nervous breakdown and he wouldn’t have been surprised if he had started ripping his shirt out in frustration.

Talk about a woman with a long memory. It is at this point that I will confess that I happen to have the memory of an elephant too. I rarely forget anything, especially if it rubbed me the wrong way. It does not matter whether it happened 20 years ago, I will remember it, and should the occasion call for it, I will find myself dragging it from my deep memory basket and presenting it as exhibit A.

 I will not only remember the incident and how it played out step by step, I will also recall whether it was before or after lunch, and what the colour of your shirt or dress was.

Thankfully, even though I don’t forget, I forgive; otherwise all these memories that insist on hanging around would have probably dragged me under and smothered me ages ago.

What memory burden are you dragging with you today? If it affects your present life negatively, hindering you from moving ahead, then it has held you prisoner, and it is time to banish it.

 

[email protected]; Twitter: @cnjerius. The writer is the editor, MyNetwork, in the Daily Nation