HEART ADVICE: Baby daddy or new boyfriend, who is the better catch?

I am a 30-year-old single mum of a two-year-old girl. I’m dating a 28-year-old man; we’ve been going out for three months now. He is very responsible and generally more mature than men his age, and he wants to marry me despite the fact that I have a child. The father of my child is two years older than me, and he is also a good man, but he is married. Recently, the father of my child told me that he wants to leave his wife, because she cheated on him. Let me disclose that before my baby daddy got married, he was in a relationship with me and we had our child together then, but he cheated on me with his current wife and impregnated her, so I decided to walk away. Now he says that he is sorry for hurting me and that I should forgive him so that we can form a family like we were supposed to. I’m wondering if I should go with the devil I know, after all, men will always be men, and this new younger man might change once the dating phase is over. Please help me make a choice.

READERS’ ADVICE

Your baby daddy left you for another woman, and now he wants to come back. What makes you sure that he won’t do the same thing again? If your current boyfriend is loving and supportive, go ahead and get married to him. Leave your baby daddy alone, unless you are ready to be his second wife.

Calvin Queens

Do you really love your current boyfriend? If you do, then why are you entertaining other options? The truth is that your boyfriend loves you and is willing to marry you and to become your lovely daughter’s father. The other truth is that your ex is already married. Don’t throw away the love you have in the name of reconciling with a person who is out of reach. Choose the man who has no baggage. One last thing, judge men individually on their own merit, because some men know what they want and live by certain  principles.

Ogola Anthony Otieno

Going back to your baby daddy will be a huge mistake. You will be getting into a love triangle and will have to fight for your baby daddy with the other woman. Moreover, what makes you think that he won’t cheat on you again? Stick with your new boyfriend. Gladys Nzuki

If you love the guy you are dating, marry him. Don’t waste his time if you are not interested in him. And why are you cheating on him with your ex and working so hard to break someone else’s marriage? Marry the single man and stop entertaining another woman’s husband!

Duncan Royal Class

If I were you, I would choose the cool and responsible 28-year-old man. He loves you. Your ex is a player. Make a smart choice.

 Vivian Aluse

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

Your relationship with your boyfriend is at infancy, so you should not rush into talking about marriage at this point. It is way too early to be contemplating a life together. On the other hand, your baby daddy who was once your man, but cheated on you with the woman he now wants to leave to be with you, is not a good choice. Why? He seems to have a tendency to move from one relationship to another on a whim.  Concentrate on nurturing your current relationship and forming a solid foundation with the man who has shown that he has your best interests at heart.

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NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA: About two weeks ago, my husband asked me to accompany him to the hospital. When we got there, he told me that we should take a HIV test because it is good to know our statuses. I agreed because I thought we both had nothing to worry about. We went in for testing as a couple and to cut a long story short, my husband tested HIV-positive, while I tested negative. The news was devastating and I never heard anything the counsellor said after the results were shown to us. I feel numb and I haven’t been able to deal with this discovery. I’m not talking to my husband and I’ve been sleeping on the sofa since then. I love my husband and I have never had reason to suspect that he could have been cheating on me. I feel depressed and I don’t know what to do. I feel betrayed and angry that he put me at risk of contracting HIV, yet I have been totally faithful to him. Should I leave him? What will I tell our kids? Please guide me.