Of true friends and spinach in your teeth

Let’s call her Jane. If there’s one thing I know for sure, it is that she would not appreciate me putting her name out there. So Jane it is. Jane is one of my irritating friends. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a lovely woman. Solid, sensible, diligent, loving, and as we used to say back in the day, “Devil stomping, Bible waving’, true salt of the earth. She’s remarkable and I love her.

Problem is, we don’t always get along. Mainly because she has this knack for telling me things I would rather not hear. I’m not talking about her pointing out that I have spinach in my teeth when we have lunch much as that is appreciated. Have you ever had spinach in your teeth and someone not point it out? When you discovered their ‘omission’, you probably thought, “There’s a person I can not trust to tell me an uncomfortable truth.”

Back to Jane. I’m talking about her no holds barred, tell it as it is approach to everything in my life. If she thinks I’m slipping, she lets me know in no uncertain terms. Sadly, she isn’t as generous with her praise when she thinks I am doing well. So why are we still friends? Well, apart from the fact that she’s one of the few people who can point out that I have spinach in my teeth, friends like her are few and far between.

Reminds one of the story of the Emperor’s New Clothes by Hans Christian Andersen. According to the fable, two swindlers came into town, and knowing that the emperor loved fine clothing, purported to be able to make him the finest garments that would be invisible to those who were fit for office or unusually stupid. They were paid a hefty down payment and begun to ‘weave’ their garments.

The emperor, excited about the prospect of such fine garments decided to send one of his most trusted advisors to see how the weavers were getting along.

CHILDLIKE INNOCENCE

The advisor did not see anything on the loom, although the swindlers pretended they were weaving. However, he thought it was because he was unfit for office or unusually stupid. So he went back to the emperor and said the garment was beautiful and enchanting. The emperor sent another advisor who came back and said the same thing. Eventually, the swindlers announced that the emperor’s new clothes were ready.

When he went for his dressing, he was shocked to find he could see nothing on the loom. But based on the assessment of his two trusted advisors and the fear that he was either unfit for office or unusually stupid, the emperor did not say so. He removed his clothes and allowed the swindlers to ‘dress’ him. Then he went for a procession around town.

Everyone, afraid of being labelled stupid applauded the emperor’s new clothes. It was only a little child who looked at the spectacle and shouted, “But he isn’t wearing anything at all!” The pretence shattered, the townsfolk were forced to admit that indeed, the emperor was naked.

But the emperor still went ahead and completed his procession, even though he could hear the townspeople tell him he had no clothes on. Even though he suspected that they were right. Meanwhile, behind him, his advisors carried the invisible train of his garments.

While this short tale is usually used to point out the blindness of those in power and the hypocrisy of their henchmen, it applies just as aptly to you and I. While very few people have the courage to speak truth to power, not many have the courage to tell you, you have spinach in your teeth.

Or that they saw your child smoking weed. Or that your employees are stealing from you. They prefer instead to get into a conspiracy of silence. In the end, you are usually the last to know.

That’s why everyone needs one or two Jane’s in their life. They stop us from making embarrassing and stupid mistakes. They may upset us by revealing an uncomfortable truth but usually they stick their neck out because they care.

We may refuse to believe them, dismiss them as envious and malicious but it won’t change the fact that the emperor has no clothes on. And sadly, no-one who cares enough to tell him.