Can you be friends with your ex-husband’s new wife?
With the passing of time, your former partner may have moved on and remarried. Is it possible to be friends with his new love? PHOTO | FILE
What you need to know:
- Where you’re not at ease and there are children involved, psychologist Valerie Lamont reckons that you will need to wear a brave face and be co-parents since your children will receive some parenting from your ex-husband’s new wife when they are with their dad.
- Jealousy or resentment may come into play as far as your feelings towards your ex-partner’s new wife are concerned. However, she urges respect and restraint in dealing with your ex-husband’s wife, when your paths cross.
- It is best to understand that your stepchildren’s mother is the one who will set the tone for the kind of relationship you will have with her.
You were once a happy couple. You had kids together and you loved each other. Then your relationship took a nosedive.
Despite efforts to salvage it, you ended up getting a divorce, but you maintained a civil friendship to allow for co-parenting. With the passing of time, your former partner may have moved on and remarried. Is it possible to be friends with his new love given that your children will, sometimes, spend time with her due to the co-parenting agreement between you and your ex?
According to Nairobi-based psychologist Ken Munyua, trying to be friends with your ex-husband’s new wife is likely to elicit questions on your motive.
“Why do you want to be friends?” he poses, but adds that while you may not always need to be friends, you will need to maintain civility and be amicable.
Where you’re not at ease and there are children involved, psychologist Valerie Lamont reckons that you will need to wear a brave face and be co-parents since your children will receive some parenting from your ex-husband’s new wife when they are with their dad.
“Anger may be a valid emotion, but letting it go and getting on with both of them will show that you are handling your life in a grown-up manner,” she says.
Nakuru-based family therapist Susan Gacheru says that jealousy or resentment may come into play as far as your feelings towards your ex-partner’s new wife are concerned. However, she urges respect and restraint in dealing with your ex-husband’s wife, when your paths cross.
“Don’t try to undermine your former husband’s new wife or to fight with her,” she cautions.
And if you are the new wife dealing with your husband’s ex, Heather Hetchler, the author of A Step-Parent’s Guide to Success, says that it is best to understand that your stepchildren’s mother is the one who will set the tone for the kind of relationship you will have with her.
“She may be downright rude, slam the door in your face, or just say hi. Just don’t come across as though you’re trying to replace her in her children’s life,” she says.
