MEN&WOMEN: Coping with long distance love
Trying to start a serious relationship with someone who lives a plane ride away is usually a bad idea. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH
What you need to know:
- Set your phones to share your locations, so you both know exactly where you are, 24/7.
- You don’t like the sound of that? It compromises your independence? Best reconsider the whole relationship then. Because you won’t succeed unless you’re 100 per cent committed, open and honest with one another.
- Constantly share each other’s schedules. Actually, that’s something all good couples do, but it’s doubly essential for long-distance.
- It’s easy to forget what your partner is doing, so set up an online calendar to keep track of visits, anniversaries, planned phone calls and times you’re not available.
These days, couples often find themselves in long-distance relationships. Perhaps they met online. Or one of them’s had to travel for study or work.
But long-distance relationships are hard work, and often fail. It’s difficult to stay emotionally close, and exchanging news isn’t nearly as good as feeling involved in your partner’s day. So trying to start a serious relationship with someone who lives a plane ride away is usually a bad idea.
Trust’s very often an issue, because there’s really no way to be sure that your long-distance partner is being faithful. What you’re expecting from the relationship is also very important. Like are you just boyfriend-girlfriend? Monogamous? Engaged? Relocating or coming home as soon as the course ends? Topics like these can be tough to discuss.
So if the person you love has to move, what should you do?
Get a really good internet connection. You need to be able to chat as if you were in the same room. Try your best to be positive whenever you’re talking or texting together, and remember that it’s easy to misunderstand each other online.
Set your phones to share your locations, so you both know exactly where you are, 24/7. You don’t like the sound of that? It compromises your independence? Best reconsider the whole relationship then. Because you won’t succeed unless you’re 100 per cent committed, open and honest with one another.
Constantly share each other’s schedules. Actually, that’s something all good couples do, but it’s doubly essential for long-distance. It’s easy to forget what your partner is doing, so set up an online calendar to keep track of visits, anniversaries, planned phone calls and times you’re not available. There’s nothing worse than when your partner keeps trying to call or text you in the middle of something you can’t interrupt.
It’s important to have things to look forward to. And especially getting together. In fact organise to visit whenever you get a chance, including meeting halfway occasionally, if possible. And remember that you have to be there for your partner. If they’re ever in trouble, hurt or ill, they must be able to call you. So make sure they can always reach you.
You must also have a plan to be united again in the future. Because long-distance relationships that don’t, almost always fail. You’ll probably not even notice that you’re slowly drifting apart as your interests, values and friends change - until something small blows up and knocks everything off course.
Do things together besides the usual phone calls, like reading the same book and discussing the plot. Tell each other everything. Ask for advice. Set up special ring tones just for your partner and save things like boarding passes and pictures taken on trips. Until one day you’re finally together again.
