Guess what? Everyone has had their heart broken

Perhaps you’ve been with your man, whom you literally picked up from the dumps a decade ago, polished and cleaned up and had babies with, only for him to turn around and trade you in for a younger woman. Maybe he was your first. Maybe you dreamed about going to college but held back to have his children instead and raised them while he went to college… then he left you as soon as he got his first job. Or maybe you fell in love with this man who insisted that you get pregnant first then he would marry you, but bolted as soon as you gave in and has not acknowledged that child to this day.

You might think yours is a unique pain but the truth is, your experience isn’t alien. Everyone has had their heart broken.

Most women who get pregnant for the first time are horrified at the prospect of getting stretchmarks on their bellies. The first reaction of a woman who gets them is panic. She will slather her skin with this oil or the other, and drink litres of water in a bid to reverse the tearing of her skin. Eventually though, she will accept them as her ‘stripes of motherhood’. She might even take photos and videos of her belly and flaunt her marks. She will be applauded for her courage.

Like this woman, there are a lot of women who wear their past misfortunes as badges of honour. The difference is that unlike this mother who gets applauded, it is off-putting when a woman lets a heartbreak define her. Always whining about that misfortune in your past makes you an unattractive person to be round, to do business with and to work with. In the dating scene, being the poster girl for heart break is equally unattractive, so quit trying to own that experience.

What happened to you is unfortunate but the truth is, everyone you brush shoulders with on the street is fighting their own battle.

The other truth is that life is not a give and take. This means that your present will not be smooth just because your past was difficult. You need to get over it. Feel the emotions you need to feel from that betrayal or that heart break, but deal with them. The world owes you absolutely nothing. You may have been hurt but you will still need to put in the work if you are going to be happy today.

Stop revelling in the self-pity. Do not make that heartbreak the first thing that a person meeting you for the first time hears. You are better off showcasing your other pleasant qualities. Rise above the past. Instead of letting that man that played you keep you out of the relationship scene, own up to your mistakes, learn the lessons that the experience taught you and carry on.