For prestige, the Benz is fine,  for rough roads, the Touareg

Hello, 

I’m inquiring about buying two new cars because your article on the sales pitch used by used-car salesmen made me sceptical of pre-owned cars. 

Kindly advise on how I should go about it. I am interested in the Mercedes Benz E350 CDi and the Volkswagen Touareg TDI. 

Mathew

Hello Matthew,

Of course you should be sceptical about pre-owned cars, unless you have kept tabs on one specific vehicle since it was brand new, just biding your time for when it shows up under the “previously cherished” banner on the automotive flea market. If we are sceptical about brand new cars, what then of one that has been in a “previous relationship” with a person or persons unknown? What kind of baggage could it be carrying, both figuratively and literally? It might have a patina of beauty and confidence externally, but what damage lies beneath the skin?

I see your primary interests lie in German hardware feeding off the black pump, and I have just three letters for you: D-P-F (Diesel Particulate Filter). This little device will ensure before long you harbour feelings towards German automakers similar to what the world expressed towards the German military back in 1945. It will not go well.

Now, there is an article I did back in October 2010, “How to Buy a Used Car” which, if I may say so myself, was one of my finer moments. However, you indicate that you want to buy new, and I do remember writing that prospectors on the hand-me-down, glass-and-tin automotive mine are mostly driven by need, while those fortunate enough to shell out their bullion for brand new merchandise are sometimes pursuing secondary desires that have no sense of urgency.

They buy what they want, not what they need (or can merely afford). Your message seems to imply likewise: you are anguishing over choosing a high-end inner-city status symbol for the mildly rich with a posho mill under the bonnet or a luxurious tractor that could possibly tow a fully loaded passenger aircraft with ease.

These two vehicles occupy very discrete niches, so I answer your question with more questions: what do you want (not need) the car for? Why diesel, given its notorious reputation around here, especially when aimed at a German tank? Do you want to intimidate your boss while simultaneously saving money through fuel economy (however momentarily)? Get the Benz. Do you want to sometimes avoid the tarmac roads and drive through fences and over walls and rocks while quietly relishing the knowledge that you have surplus torque enough to pull a building off its foundation? Get the Touareg.

If you just want a German car that you will really like, then try the petrol versions of these two, more so the E350 Benz. It is a fine piece of equipment, this.

****** 

Dear Baraza,

I want buy a utility vehicle and I have in mind a Prado TX, although I am told it might be more expensive than the Sh2 million  (duty free) which I have saved. I need an executive car for a lady, not too big, not too expensive to maintain.

What are the merits and demerits of the petrol and diesel versions and which other vehicle is similar but cheaper? Kindly advise.

Janelle

Which particular generation of the Prado do you want? Is it the common J120? Then you are within spitting distance of affording one; for Sh2 million, you might get something a little clapped out, but for an extra 10 to 20 per cent, you will get something worth your time.

Is it the ageing J90? Then you have roughly twice the money you need, which might come in handy if you need to resuscitate an OAP that might have lived a hard and unloved life. Is it the J150? Forget it, you need almost three times that amount to put one in your driveway.

Petrol or diesel? The petrol versions are cheaper but very thirsty; the diesel ones cost more but offer better economy and way more torque, which you don’t really need. Diesel versions are also costlier to fix when things start going wrong, which is not common in a Prado but might still happen anyway.

Similar but cheaper vehicles include another Toyota: the Surf, which costs roughly 30 per cent less than a Prado of similar vintage. You might also roll the dice with a Land Rover Discovery 3, which costs  more or less the same as a J120, at a hair over Sh2 million, but you will be really gambling under very poor odds if you go down this path.

And with this comes a small correction: last week there was a typographical error where I listed the diesel engine in the Land Rover as having a 2.5 litre capacity when it actually is a 2.7. I apologise for the error; call it itchy fingers flying over a keyboard well past its sell-by date.

Two more obvious choices here are the Mitsubishi Pajero (awesome car, lifespan of warm milk if not properly taken care of) and the third generation Nissan Pathfinder, which I don’t see many of, and I think I know why.

1. The car keeps changing its mission statement. It started off as a compact SUV for the first two generations and treaded on the Terrano’s toes before growing in size to develop a third row of seats, which placed it right in the firing line of the Landcruiser Prado. For the fourth generation, it headed off in yet another direction, this time trying to displace the Murano with its pretend-luxury, unibody (monocoque) construction and flashy, chromey, California-socialite look. It really needs to make up its mind what it wants to be.

2. It does not help matters that the Gen III car (which is what you’d pit against the Prado) not only resembles, but is actually related, to the Navara pickup truck, which reputedly follows the beauty-and-longevity Flower Hypothesis* to its logical conclusion.

(*The Flower Hypothesis is something I have just made up but in essence, it is a corollary to the belief that beautiful things tend not to last. An obvious example? Flowers.)

******

Hello Baraza,

I — and this is my personal opinion — think that you have a right to remain silent and not answer, confirm, deny or get bogged down with frivolous questions and sequels. You didn’t have to waste valuable space answering JM Muthomi on his comparisons between a Subaru Outback and a Honda CRV. These are different cars: one is a station wagon while the other is a small, compact SUV (crossover). A better comparison would be the Subaru Forester.

A few months ago, I wrote to you saying this is a nascent motoring country, and that is the reason most of your readers ask about resale values of cars they cannot afford. Does one buy a car to use or to resell? If I were you, I would redirect such people to the stock market; it’s called tough love.

Maybe we should go back to the basics and start by educating your readership on what a sedan, coupé, station wagon, hatchback, van, minivan, crossover, SUV, pickup, bakie, etc., is.

I think this is the only way to get out of this quagmire of advising single office women without kids against buying a people’s carrier such as the Toyota Wish simply because its spares are available. I might sound like a hothead, but I think it’s time you brought decency to your column. Thank God it’s back as two full pages. I feared your demise (pun intended).

Donald Mutinda

Hello Donald,

An epic missive, the kind that shows up on my desk once a year. Thank you for it. So now:

Was the comparison between an Outback and a CRV really as outlandish as it seemed? What, exactly, is a crossover utility such as the CRV? Is it not simply a jumped-up wagon? Most of these had their debut models based on the floorpans of their saloon car stablemates. The RAV4 started it all off, based on the Corolla and/or Camry.

The CRV followed, based off of a Civic, which is essentially a smaller Accord. The X-Trail then joined the fray, packing the skeleton of a Primera. Which car from Subaru competed with the Camry, the Accord and the Primera? Yes, you are right: the Legacy.

What is the Outback? It is, quite literally, a jumped-up Legacy wagon. See what I did there? It all comes full circle. That person was not so far off the mark, at least not as badly astray as the fellow indecisive between an E Klasse and a Touareg above. The Venn diagram between those two cars has a very insignificant intersection point.

The Forester is the natural nemesis of the CRV, yes, but it has its own shortcomings. If you are looking for rally-esque handling across a thicket or trying to attain terminal velocity in a flower bed, then the Forester is your car, but for everyday use, the Outback trounces it, especially on practicality. The BR model is actually larger and roomier than the Tribeca.

I juxtaposed the two and was quite taken aback at what I was seeing. I always assumed the Tribeca was bigger.

You are right, this is a nascent motoring country; I discovered that the hard way the day Car Clinic came to life. Some of the correspondence is shocking, particularly that channelled directly to me, bypassing the editor’s sieve.

The ignorance out there is unbelievable. Worse yet is the stubbornness and insistence on being wrong: people are steadfast in their refusal to adjust their mindsets to a more intelligent level, which is why there is no end to questions circling around availability of spares or resale values. I repeat: if you do not drive a McLaren F1, then these two facets of everyday motoring should be of no concern to you.

 I once tried tough love but unfortunately, the inquisitor had used their initials rather than their full name. It later transpired that it was a lady and she was not shy about making her displeasure at my cartoonish, non-responses known. She actually recommended that my contract be summarily terminated and the services of a saner contributor be engaged. Well, seven years later and... I’ve learnt to tame my feedback somewhat.

Going back to the basics would be a good idea but that would be retrogression. Much as Car Clinic might prove the opposite, I don’t like revisiting topics I have already covered. We have grown with the times; remedial lessons might cost you now.

The only addition I can make to the discussion on body styles is the sheer foolishness of German automakers (they really are under attack today) in making cars that defy description, then proceed to brand them in oxymoronic ways.

Case in point is “a four-door coupé”. What on earth is that supposed to be? European autojournos express it best: it is a four-door version of a two-door version of a four-door car. It hurts the brain just thinking about it, but apparently, not many people think that hard, which is why these vehicles get buyers, the same cadre of buyer that will buy a Landcruiser to go to the kiosk with or try to cross a river in a 900cc compact saloon car.

Attempts at “bringing decency” to the column (I get your drift) were met with hostility. Remember the reader who rubbished my car reviews (specifically the Isuzu DMAX review in Namibia, which was my first test to come complete with self-shot video available on my website) and instead suggested strongly that I stick to ridiculing people’s automotive problems since that is a more entertaining angle? This is the kind of thing I have to deal with.

This, and the assumption that I am a mechanic with a laptop and a VPN connection to the Nation Media Group. I repeat: I am not a mechanic; I compare and analyse functional vehicles.

If your car is malfunctioning, we could skip the public embarrassment of you falling victim to my poison pen and just take your car to the garage, which you still will at the end of the day.

The return to two full pages was not as easy as it looks. There really were difficulties at the beginning of the year, difficulties I am not at liberty to openly discuss, but can we at least be thankful that normal extended service has resumed?

Cheers and see you next week, when I discuss resale values and spare parts. Again.