In Summary
  • I can’t imagine myself having sex with a boyfriend. These days I don’t waste anyone’s time; I tell them upfront that I will be bored within a short period of time.
  • You don’t have to be in a relationship for your life to work out. If you are happy with where and who you are, relax and enjoy your life.
  • You need to consider that maybe it is your orientation that you’ve got wrong.
  • Based on the information you have shared I can only speculate that you may be asexual and don’t know it.

Q: I am 26 years old and I don’t like relationships. I have no problem getting to know someone as a friend, but once he tells me his intentions, or that he is in love with me, then I get very scared and I don’t want anything to do with him. If I do give him a chance, then after a short period, like two weeks, I am done with it. I start giving excuses whenever he wants to meet. I get especially disgusted when the subject of sex comes up. I can’t imagine myself having sex with a boyfriend. These days I don’t waste anyone’s time; I tell them upfront that I will be bored within a short period of time. Do I have a problem?

READERS’ ADVICE

You are a young person who has not been in a romantic or sexual relationship at this point your life and it concerns you. If you want your relationship to be successful give him a chance, commit yourself and invest in your relationship.

James Njoki, via email.

I think it would be beneficial for you to seek counselling and therapy. It seems you are either traumatized by a relationship you have been in or witnessed – like your parents – or maybe you are not attracted to men. Either way, a counsellor can help you get to the bottom of it.

J. Wekesa, via email.

Is it relationships with men that you don’t like, or is it relationships in general? Do you find yourself attracted to women, for example? If yes, then you need to consider that maybe it is your orientation that you’ve got wrong. If no, then maybe you are asexual – or severely traumatized by men. Either way, explore it and find out.

Melanie Odhiambo, via email.

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