In Summary
  • In March 2015, I started dating a former college mate, but  he ended the relationship after three months when I expressed concern about his reluctance to communicate without any explanation.
  • In early 2016, I started dating  a man with whom I serve on the same evangelistic team.  It lasted a year and two months. He had promised me marriage and we even visited his home together in November 2016. But when I refused to have sex with him, he stopped communicating.
  • Now, my new friend who wants us to date also ended his relationship with a youth from our church—it lasted less  than three months — in February this year.

Dear Kitoto,

Thank you for your advice.

I am a 25-year-old, born-again Christian woman.  I have had three failed relationships since 2011.  The first one ended  when I expressed  concern about my boyfriend going to clubs with dubious characters to watch football. When I asked why he could not watch the game at home,  he said it was more fun watching games at clubs. I tried my best to see him grow spiritually without success, so I ended the relationship in March 2014.

In March 2015, I started dating a former college mate, but  he ended the relationship after three months when I expressed concern about his reluctance to communicate without any explanation. In December last year, he explained to me that he had ended  our relationship because of some money he had lost in an investment, and that he wanted us to get back together. I refused, but  we remain friends and communicate occasionally.

In early 2016, I started dating  a man with whom I serve on the same evangelistic team.  It lasted a year and two months. He had promised me marriage and we even visited his home together in November 2016. But when I refused to have sex with him, he started communicating less with me, although I would call  and text him daily.

Early this year he was admitted for a Masters degree. I was willing to wait for him to finish his course since I am also doing some short courses. When I revisited  the issue of his reluctance to communicate in February, he was outright rude. He ended the relationship in March this year,  saying he  could not give me the kind of attention I needed. I sank into a depression, until a male friend from church, who had known me since December 2016, noticed in early April that something was wrong. I opened up to him and he has remained close, helping me heal. In early May, he asked me to be his girlfriend, saying it would help me heal faster. 

I still meet my last boyfriend at certain functions and it causes me a lot of pain afterwards, leaving me wondering where I went wrong. As a result, at one point I almost stopped attending functions where I would meet him.

Now, my new friend who wants us to date also ended his relationship with a youth from our church—it lasted less  than three months — in February this year.

I have told him I want him only as a friend  but he keeps  saying he is not desperate. I’m surprised that  he is ready to get into another relationship so soon and  wonder why he  says he is not desperate.

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