If she is pregnant, that baby cannot be mine

Pastor Kitoto,

I have been dating my fiancée for more than four years; I love her very much, and we trust each other even though our relationship is long distance. I am based in Nairobi while she lives in Busia. In July this year, she demanded that I travel to visit her, saying that she missed me, but when I got there, she did not seem happy or interested to see me, and even refused to get intimate with me, claiming that it was that time of the month.

I travelled back to Nairobi the following day, only for her to send me a message saying that she missed me and even sent me phone credit. After a while, she sent me a text to tell me that she had missed her period, and wondered whether we did ‘something’ when I visited her. I did not bother replying to her question. Is this woman cheating on me?

Hello there,

Long distance relationships are at times characterised by anxiety and mistrust that may lead to suspicions of unfaithfulness. In some cases, the lack of a close bond between a couple easily leads to fights and a desire to create new bonds with those who are near. Obviously, long distance relationships are challenging, and in your case, it is clear that there is something missing in your relationship.

Your fiancée’s demands to see you that day could have either been a way of crying out for emotional attention or wanting to make some disclosures, which, from your email, she didn’t. How I wish when you visited her you would have made maximum use of that time to really talk about your relationship instead of rushing back home with disappointment.

If a relationship lacks something concrete to look forward to, chances for long-term survival are limited - both of you must have reason to remain faithful to each other, otherwise your relationship is doomed. Now, whether she has, or is cheating on you is for you to interrogate and hopefully arrive at the truth. You can start from what happened, or did not happen, when you visited her, and later the text message she sent you, saying that she had missed her period.