LIZZIE'S WORLD: So close yet so far away

Ciru has information about Chris that should be music to Liz’s ears… except that it isn’t.

At lunch time, I pull the sandwich I had carried to work out of my bag and prepare to chow down at my desk, and then I hear a knock at my door. I look up. It’s Ciru.

“Hey, there’s something I need to tell you,” she says. And then she scurries into my office and sits down in my guest chair, and I brace myself for whatever she is about to tell me.

“Look, I really shouldn’t be telling you this but Chris has gone for lunch and I know about all the drama you’re having with him with and the recommendation.”

“Ehe?” I nod for her to continue, my brow furrowed, sandwich in hand poised halfway between table and mouth as I wait.

“So just after you left his office this morning he summoned me in and asked me to prepare a recommendation for you-,”

“Yes!” I fist-bump the air. “And you’ve come to ask me what you should say about me in the letter?” I grin.

“No,” Ciru rolls her eyes. “He says he just wants a draft – he’s firmly in charge of editing it himself. It’s the way he looked as he was telling me to get the letter ready.” She leans back and nods like she’s got a big secret she’s holding.

“What? What?” I prod her.

“Liz, the man is broken over you leaving. He could barely say the words.”

Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. “I don’t understand what you are implying,” I say haughtily.

Ciru waves her arms in frustration. “I am saying the man is in love and he doesn’t want you to leave and he doesn’t know how to tell you!”

I must confess that the thought of Chris having feelings for me… it gets the butterflies in my tummy alive and fluttering. He is the perfect man for me – he always has been. But we work together. I report to him. We can never be an item.

I sigh deeply, all the fun and laughter gone from my eyes – and from my conversation with Ciru.

“Aren’t you happy?” Ciru asks incredulously.

I shake my head. “I can’t be with him and I can’t stay here,” I say. “There’s nothing to be happy about.”

“Why can’t you be with him?”

“Because he’s my boss.”

“But-,”

“There are no buts here. It would never work. One of us would have to quit. And we tried that the last time he quit and he decided to go back to his ex-wife. So no. No more risks.

I’ll take the letter and I will get as far away from him as I can.”

“But what if he wasn’t your boss?”

“Are you suggesting I quit my job to be with him?” Ciru shrugs her shoulders. “You are insane,” I laugh sarcastically. “I’ll put my money and my career over a man. That is all.

“But you should have seen him…” Ciru starts. I hold up a palm, indicating for her to stop.

“We’re not debating this,” I say. And then, when I see how crestfallen she looks at being spurned despite doing what she thought was best to help, I reach out and pat her arm. “But thanks for the heads up. One day, it may just come in handy.”

She perks up and goes back to her desk, leaving me to contemplate my situation; isn’t it ironic that the one man who I think would be most ideal for me – and who seems to share my feelings – is the one man I can’t date? Meanwhile life keeps throwing all these deadbeats, idiots and layabouts my way.

“I guess a relationship is not my portion in this life,” I sigh.

Then I take a huge bite out of my lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon wondering what wine I should carry to Jo’s house for dinner, and how I am going to carry myself if Chris accepts her invitation and shows up.