MOTORING: Prepare for wet wet wet or become a take that

Traffic jam at Nyayo Stadium roundabout, Nairobi, on April 6, 2015.Now is an appropriate time to do the rounds with oil and grease on parts that might get wet and stay wet; not forgetting, of course, to clean off all the surplus and give the paintwork a protective coat of wax polish. PHOTO | DIANA NGILA | NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • And expect to share your conjugal rights with curlers and a face-pack. In psychobabble, we’re each of us either introvert or extrovert, anal or oral, pedantic or spontaneous, organised or creative, logical or emotional...etc.
  • In the rainy season, some of us have carefully dried, cleaned and stored umbrellas strategically - a large one by the front door, a medium-size in the boot of the car, and a fold-up one in the briefcase.
  • Others respond to an “unexpected” storm by remembering there’s an umbrella on their golf bag, find the opening mechanism is jammed, but have a pair of pliers and some WD40 handy to quickly sort it out.

You cannot change who or what you are. But it can be helpful to know, acknowledge and make allowances for your personality. The perfect wife should be an economist in the kitchen, a princess in the sitting room and a harlot in bed.

Too often, according to chauvinist jokes, wives are princesses in the kitchen, harlots in the sitting room and economists in bed.

Reality is neither so heavenly nor so hellish. Wives, like most other human beings, have just the one main personality and carry it right through the house.

So if your lady rattles the four-poster, the chances are your sitting room is in a permanent state of typhoon damage and your diet will swing lustily from sinfully rich chocolate mousse to burnt toast.

If the sitting room is in apple-pie order, the food is likely to be reliable but plain and whatever you do in bed had better not crease the duvet.

And if your Mrs can be relied upon to host, with regal grace,  the most important guest, then don’t complain about the grocery bills.

And expect to share your conjugal rights with curlers and a face-pack. In psychobabble, we’re each of us either introvert or extrovert, anal or oral, pedantic or spontaneous, organised or creative, logical or emotional...etc.

In the rainy season, some of us have carefully dried, cleaned and stored umbrellas strategically - a large one by the front door, a medium-size in the boot of the car, and a fold-up one in the briefcase.

Others respond to an “unexpected” storm by remembering there’s an umbrella on their golf bag, find the opening mechanism is jammed, but have a pair of pliers and some WD40 handy to quickly sort it out.

Others just get wet, having registered the thunderous mood of the sky as “inspiring”, relished the electrical charge and tangy smell in the air of an approaching storm, and in their excitement got as far away as possible from any point of shelter before remembering that they’ve forgotten to bring a brolly.

The only advice for this type is “Good luck.”  Just remember, or try to, that rain makes roads slippery so it’s a good idea to slow down a bit and leave a little more room between your bonnet and the next guy’s boot.

Oh, and while the drops of rain falling on the windscreen do indeed make some fascinating shapes and colours and movement on the glass, turning on the wipers does enable you to see more clearly where you (and others) are going.

If the wipers are in working order.  Similar practicalities apply to the condition of every part of your car.

Now is an appropriate time to do the rounds with oil and grease on parts that might get wet and stay wet; not forgetting, of course, to clean off all the surplus and give the paintwork a protective coat of wax polish.

None of these things will reduce your food bill, tidy the living room or improve your sex life.  But they will help ensure that a “Wet, Wet, Wet” doesn’t become a “Take That!”  of breakdowns and accidents. In short, you and your car will live longer.