HEART ADVICE: My husband is avoiding me

Q  : My husband and I had our wedding six months ago. We were happy before the wedding and really looking forward to starting our lives together. But he has lately become so distant from me. He spends all of his weekends and evenings in the bar or the club with his boys. I am tired of telling him that I would like him to spend some time with me. He is acting like he is single, or like I am the most boring company on earth. Should I consider my marriage over before it starts, or is there a way to resolve this?

READERS REPLY

Maybe something is troubling him. You may need to evaluate yourself because maybe you are nagging him without your knowledge. Just sit with him when he is sober and have an healthy chat before it’s too late. But remember, if you happen to shout to him he will even move further from you as you know love is always gentle. Evans Matara, via email.

Men don’t open up easily about what could be bothering them. They choose to keep it to themselves and embrace habits like going out with the boys just to be away from you. 

You need to sit him down, probably away from home and in a better environment where it’s just the two of you, then tell him how you feel. Tell him that you have not been spending some quality time together and you feel left out and so distant from him. I believe you know the outdoor activities that he likes so why not organise some of them then accompany him? He will start looking forward to spending time with you and he will realise there is so much you can do together instead of spending all his weekends in bars/clubs. Agnes Mutuku, Ruaka. 

Tell him that you understand that he enjoys hanging out with the guys, and that he gets to go and do him for a few hours while drinking a few beers, watching sports, and kicking it with random conversations. You understand his need to have some guy time, and be with his boys. However, there needs to be a balance in which you share some quality and alone time with you. You want to just go out, relax, have a few drinks, see a good movie, enjoy a good meal, or walk through the park. You just want some time with him as your husband, as the man you fell in love with, and the man you want to rekindle that romanticism with. Tell hi, that you miss the quality time you had with him. James Njoki, via email.

MAURICE REPLIES

There are many couples who disconnect within marriage. When you are dating there is always an element of fun that keeps the relationship going but once you are married if the relationship formula of interaction changes then you find all the social variables that kept your bond strong either cease to exist. I recommend you have a candid chat and establish if you both love each other in the same way or whether boredom has kicke in and replaced the fun elements you once had. Sometimes in marriage things become so official and obligational that you find one partner seeking other thrills from external sources.