AUNT TRUPHENA: Newly married – but my husband is already cheating

Q: I got married two months ago and my husband has already lost interest in me. We argue a lot over minor things. I found a love message from a lady on his phone. I asked some friends and discovered that they have been together since before I married him. I hate this woman and whenever I meet her around the estate I feel so bitter. My marriage is very young; I don’t know if it will survive all this. I am so confused – do I leave? Do I stay? Why did my husband marry me yet he had this girl? This is very unfair for me. I’m so devastated. Help me, aunt.

A: Thank you for your question. It is sad that your marriage is already suffering infidelity at this early stage. My heart goes out to you. After you discovered that your husband was cheating, you also found out that she preceded you. This shows that you are the one who came into a relationship which already existed, and you do not know how long they had been together. This means you will need to work very hard to untangle this relationship. You seem to blame this girl for interfering with your marriage; I think this is wrong because you should also include your husband in the mix. Look, there is an ongoing mutual communication between this woman and your husband. Who is married here? Your husband. This fact must make you aware that your husband is the one who holds the power over the continuity or end of this relationship. Yes, he had this girl but he married you, which may indicate that you are the woman he loves more and he want to spend his life with. Having this in mind you need to have an honest and candid conversation with your man. If the communication between you is difficult, consider involving a family mediator or a marriage therapist. During the talk, let your husband know that you are concerned about the future of your marriage and his relationship with the other woman. Let him make clear on his commitment to this marriage. If he is remorseful and recommits to the union then your marriage can be saved. If he is not, then you either stay and share him with the other woman, or you leave the union.