THAT'S LIFE: Success is in facing, slaying your ‘giant’

There’s a bully to be found in most school playgrounds. PHOTO | FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • While my daughters had their fair share of bullying, I discovered that boys played in a different league.
  • Male aggression was more pronounced and while female bullying involved the bully helping themselves to your daughters lunch, for boys it could be much more violent.

There’s a bully to be found in most school playgrounds. Hopefully, most bullies outgrow their aggression. It’s difficult to know how to help a young child maneuver another little tyrant when they are the victim. Most of the time, we would tell our young ones to ‘turn the other cheek’ at the risk of being called a sissy or to report to the teacher at which point your child would be labeled a telltale. I even once advised running away from the bully and staying clear of their playground hangouts. My children and I soon found out that some bullies were persistent to the point of seeking your child out. You see bullies are usually spoiling for a fight even when it is unwarranted.

While my daughters had their fair share of bullying, I discovered that boys played in a different league. Male aggression was more pronounced and while female bullying involved the bully helping themselves to your daughters lunch, for boys it could be much more violent. And so the day arrived when my son came home with scraped knees because another student had pushed him. As usual, I advised him to take the Gandhi approach. “Non violence, son,” I told him. But his little bullying friend had not heard of Gandhi. Soon, it became evident that the other boy would not give up. He had found what most bullies love. A soft target. I intervened and sought out his teachers to discuss my concerns. It was not working. Fearing that my son’s self esteem was rapidly taking a literal beating, I tried a more unorthodox method. “Next time he pushes you to the ground, push him right back,” I told him. It was crazy but interestingly, it worked. Turns out bullies do not like a taste of their own medicine. The fighting stopped and the two boys even became friends. The only problem  I forgot to tell Junior when to stop, and the teacher called me in over his “creative” way of handling disagreements.

While it involved my child, that experience taught me a valuable lesson. World peace and everyone getting along is nice but there comes a time when you have to step up to a bully. One of my children’s favourite Bible stories is of how a young David killed the giant Goliath. Turns out Goliath had been taunting David’s countrymen, asking for anyone who dared, to come out and fight him. David, armed with great faith, courage and five little pebbles, he brought the giant down. It’s a recurring theme in several cultures folklore. The young warrior who brings down the ogre. Jack who slays the monster. These stories remind us that we too, with sufficient courage and some tools can bring down our personal giants.

Some of our giants are external and come in different shapes. A giant could be a malicious boss or a debilitating illness. And then there are giants of our own making like a crippling debt situation or an addiction.  When it comes to giants, you need a strategy. Learn everything  about your personal giant because even giants have a weak spot. History dictates  that destiny lies on the other side of the battle with your giant.

Psychotherapist David Richo writes on Soulfulliving.com, “Jung said:  The greatest of human tragedies is to be distracted from our destiny and lose our power to activate our potential because of years of addiction to drugs, alcohol, or to relationships that are abusive, unworkable, or depleting. A great potential in us can thereby fade away and no one will do anything to halt the dissolution. The world will stand by as we throw away our fortune. We will stand by as we throw ourselves away. There is no guarantee that a whale will intervene for us as it did for Jonah or a tornado as it did for Dorothy. The challenge is to find our destiny in exactly what we are refusing to engage in. This is no easy task. It is hard to stop and look while we are running the other way!” 

You will never become who you are meant to become if you don’t face and slay your giant.