In Summary

  • Women’s sexual urge is closely linked to their emotional connection with their partner.
  • For them, sex is a way of cementing the trust, love and the interest they have in a partner.
  • Sometimes women lose the trust and the sense of emotional connection.

Jennifer’s husband was threatening her with a divorce. It had been eight months of no sex between them. Jennifer came to the sexology clinic, desperate to salvage her marriage. “I do not want to imagine being divorced. You have to rescue this situation,” she insisted. “However hard I have tried, my body has just refused to have sex with James. I have no feelings for him!”

Jennifer, 37, had been married for 10 years. She had two children, three and nine years. She had gradually lost interest in sex over the years. James, her husband, was frustrated. I took Jennifer’s sexual history and questioned her relationship with James. I conducted laboratory tests to find out if there was a medical problem interfering with her sex drive. My conclusion was that the couple had lost their emotional connection.

LOST TRUST

Take it this way: Women’s sexual urge is closely linked to their emotional connection with their partner. For them, sex is a way of cementing the trust, love and the interest they have in a partner. Sometimes women lose the trust and the sense of emotional connection. As such, they are no longer sure whether they hold a special place in the man’s heart, making them feel vulnerable and forced to hold back their emotions. With time, they get totally disconnected from the man’s emotional radar.

 “Very accurate assessment, doctor. That is where I am. I just wonder how I got into this messy state,” Jennifer said. This is a problem that grows over the years. In Jennifer’s case, the origin was James’ communication style.

Spouses are constantly making attempts to communicate with each other, via words, body language or actions. Not many men are good with words but a number do try. Body language affirms what your partner is communicating. Facial expression, nodding, shaking the head and many gestures and expressions confirm that your partner is interested in your feelings or otherwise.

But actions speak even louder. A number of couples will hold hands, hug and do small caring acts such as giving each other mani and pedicures, resting on each other while watching TV, holding each other while asleep, and so on.

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