In Summary

  • You can write a very bad novella in 90 days.
  • You can go to rehab and get clean in 90 days. (Sobering, ey?) You can jump into a space ship and go to the moon and back 15 times in 90 days.
  • If I may also remind you dear fellow Christians, God made the universe in seven days.

You must have heard of the 90-day rule. It’s this completely outrageous ‘rule’ where some women will make their new man wait 90 bloody days before they can have sex with him. That’s three months. You can potty train a toddler in 90 days. You can write a Master’s thesis in 30 days. You can write a very bad novella in 90 days. You can go to rehab and get clean in 90 days. (Sobering, ey?) You can jump into a space ship and go to the moon and back 15 times in 90 days. If I may also remind you dear fellow Christians, God made the universe in seven days. He could have made a dozen universes in this time while you were waiting for the green light.

AVOIDING TEMPTATION

Steve Harvey wrote the book that single women regard as holy scripture, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. In it, Steve with his egg-shaped head planted this bogus 90-day rule into women’s head, making it sound like it is the most sensible thing to do when you meet a guy. He wrote: “...if Ford and the government won’t give a man benefits until he’s been on the job and proven himself, why, ladies are you passing out benefits to men before they’ve proven themselves worthy?”

I rolled my eyes.

Brothers, do you know how women stay 90 days before sleeping with you? Do you know how they avoid ‘falling into temptation’ (because temptation is a big, gaping hole waiting for women to trap, obviously)? Well, first, they always meet you in public places because there is no chance of them grabbing you by the collar and telling you, “Take me now, you strong armed, bushy chinned ruffian!” I hear that they also do not shave or wax. That’s a 90-day hairy situation right there. Imagine that the lovely lady sitting before you over dinner, seductively caressing a sangria or a Cosmopolitan, is all native and bushy down there. It’s enough to make you push your plate of steak away.

DATE NIGHT PANTIES

Lastly, I hear they wear some really bad panties when they are meeting you. I don’t understand this – do they just have a stock of bad panties lying around for date nights or do they have this one that they wash and dry overnight before bringing it out for use the next day? I don’t even want to think about these things.

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