JUST BRENDA: Your child's father does not owe you a relationship

Hi Brenda,

I have been with this man for a long time. When I got pregnant three years ago, he very quickly married another woman through a traditional wedding. They recently had a child. This man doesn’t provide for our daughter, he says his business is not doing well. We still have sex sometimes. Last weekend, he called me telling me to go and spend the night at his house because his wife was out of town. I did not go and now I am wondering if I made the best decision. I love him and he is still the father of my child. Did I make the right decision?

Lady, you seem to be confusing two very different issues – having a child with someone is not the same as being in a relationship with them!

That said, you seem to be in a phantom relationship, a relationship that exists only in your head. This man, whom you love so much, is not in a relationship with you. He probably considers himself very happily married. You are simply someone he hits up when he wants to have a good time. The reason he is doing this is that you allow him to do so.

In his life, I imagine that you have the same value as his television set. Stop entertaining him. The only contact the two of you should have is if he wants to play a part in his child’s life. Otherwise, scoot!

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