TALES OF COURAGE: How poetry helped me deal with an ugly childhood

Eric ‘RixPoet' Otieno , 29, spoke to Daily Nation about how his poetry helped him deal with a difficult childhood. PHOTO| COURTESY

What you need to know:

  • My mother had no voice to protect herself leave alone our interests as children.
  • By the time I sat for my KCSE, I had been in and out of seven primary schools because my father could not hold down a teaching job in one school and kept changing them in search for the elusive greener pastures.
  • Do you have feedback on this story? E-mail: [email protected]

Eric ‘RixPoet' Otieno , 29, spoke to Millicent Mwololo about how his poetry helped him deal with a difficult childhood.

Memories of my childhood are blood-stained. Blood-stained because my father was an alcoholic who would often come home drunk and beat my mother to a pulp. We too, did not escape his wrath. I became a bitter and fearful child.

AN EMBITTERED MAN

My father, too, was an embittered man. He beat his frustrations into our bodies. It was the only way he knew how to assert his authority and control. My mother had no voice to protect herself leave alone our interests as children. By the time I sat for my KCSE, I had been in and out of seven primary schools because my father could not hold down a teaching job in one school and kept changing them in search for the elusive greener pastures.

Countless times, friends and family have intervened but my father has never admitted his role in the violence. At one point he said “ni mashetani” (It’s the devil) that made him violent. When hard-pressed by his relatives, he would scold them.  

NO FRIENDS

I found it really hard to express myself self at home because I did not want to be rejected. Whenever I needed help at home, it was hard to open up. I had to fight that fear when I needed to express myself elsewhere. This saw me grow up a bitter introverted, overwhelmed by trust issues. It was hard to trust other people when the father who was entrusted to protect me saw me go through so much harm. I ran away from home countless times. Homelessness, at the time, was a much better prospect than the violence at home.

Eric ‘RixPoet' Otieno as a happy young boy. PHOTO| COURTESY

When I was in Form Two in April 2004, I had been expelled from St Joseph Rapogi Secondary School in Migori County. I ran away from home in Mlolongo to Kitengela where I was traced three days later. That June, I again walked from home to Nairobi town and found myself at Koinange Street where I spent a week. At night, the prostitutes would tell me their stories about why they were in the trade. They also protected me from the guards. At daytime, I would shop-lift snacks from the supermarkets and that is how I survived that entire week.

WENT BACK HOME

Life as s street boy was not incident-free. I remember June, 20, 2004 very way because it was the day I was caught stealing and beaten thoroughly for it. I was incredibly thirsty after going for days without drinking water. I went to an Ukwala Supermarket that was then at OTC and shoplifted a Nivea petroleum jelly for my lips and a packet of milk. I realised that I needed more milk. I went to the Naivas supermarket on Ronald Ngala for more milk. It was at 7pm and they were about to close. At the milk section, a shop attendant spotted me and suspected that I was shop-lifting. When he saw the milk and Nivea jelly from my jacket, he immediately slapped me. He removed a chain that was on my neck and beat me with it. Shoppers joined in and in a few minutes, my body was swollen. The supermarket manager came for me and saw the items I had shoplifted from the other supermarket, and a notebook and pen in my pocket. I kept on journaling anything that I noted in the streets. The notebook also had my father’s number. He called him. My father arrived in less than five minutes. He had just left Kamukunji police station to report that I was missing. When he came, he paid for the items and he asked me if that was life that I wanted for myself. He then hired a taxi and instructed the driver to lock me in the boot. The driver said that he could not do that, and I sat on the back seat.

On getting home, we got into the house and my father fished out a new nyaunyo that he had bout to beat me up. I resisted and ran outside to the bathrooms. He later softened and came for me from the washrooms. We talked about why I had ran away. He seemed to understand and we left it at that. I later took a shower and we had dinner together. The incident just ended like that.

Later, I joined Pumwani secondary school in Nairobi. But towards the end of November, I again ran away from home to Malindi where I was stayed with the family of a classmate. I had a very low self-esteem and the bitterness was just too much. That is when I started writing poetry, to just let out the pain within me. After Form Four, I was enrolled in Bugema Adventist Secondary School in Uganda where I did Form Five and Six from 2008 up to 2009.

 

Eric ‘RixPoet' Otieno's poetry helped him overcome a difficult childhood. PHOTO| COURTESY

FOUND SOLACE IN WRITING POETRY

In 2011, I joined Daystar University to pursue Bachelor of Arts mass Communication degree but I had to drop out in the first year, because of lack of school fees. Staying at home was difficult since I found myself idle, and with no space to express myself. In addition, my friends were in school and I had no company.

So I went back to the university to pass time and would frequent the computer laboratory while others are in class. It is here that I found solace writing poetry, letting out the pain that I had been through.

I never enrolled back in school after that first semester. My father couldn’t raise the school fees.

STARTED BLOGGING

Every other day, I blogged these poems and people would read them and give their feedback. I searched online for poets to connect with and I found the Kenya Poets Lounge. It was a big online community where we would post our own poems every single day. This is where I connected with Chris Mukasa and together we later co-founded Fatuma’s Voice, a platform where young people meet and voice out their issues through poetry, story-telling and music.

Expressing myself had been a problem ever since I was a small baby. With poetry, no one could control my thought process and self-expression. The more I wrote, the more I healed and discovered that stronger inner self within me.

Was there ever any intervention by friends or relatives? Did he find closure through poetry? Poetry was the beginning of that closure. I had to do something to let out the negative energy. I really had to communicate that I needed help.

My first poem, "A Letter to the Grave", was a cry for help. I had addressed it to my younger sister who passed on in 1994 at just four months. 10 years later, I wrote this poem, expressing that had she been alive, our home would have been different. Maybe she would have softened my father.

FATUMA’S VOICE IS BORN

Activist Boniface Mwangi approached Mukasa who joined him at his then new outfit Pawa254. Mukasa’s work was mainly to create traffic to Pawa254. With support from Pawa254, we launched Fatuma’s Voice. Mukasa coined the name. He took the image of this 50-year-old Fatuma, a woman who does not know how to speak, but has millions of words and so much going on in her mind and wants the children, teachers, lawyers, politicians,  doctors, and everyone in the society to speak on her behalf.

On July 12, 2013, Fatuma’s Voice was launched and received well by many people . We didn’t know that we would grow to become an organisation, but people flew from Sweden, Switzerland and Netherlands to just come and see what we are doing. This made us realise the need to structure the organisation to communicate pertinent issues through artists, poets and musicians. With support from Pawa254, we formalised the organisation and structured it as a platform where young people express themselves, network and have their issues integrated into policy making. When young people voice issues that they are going through, we do not leave it at that. Because of this, we have attracted Non-Governmental Organisations (NGOs) working on human rights issues like human trafficking, gender violence, sanitary pads for girls, and such others.

A young Eric is carried by his mother in the nineties. PHOTO| COURTESY

My parents are still living together. The violence has reduced but we are constantly on edge. The violent incidents are now sporadic.

Currently, my relationship with my father is not good and has never been. We do not talk much. My siblings wish that it were different as I am the only man in the house that they can talk to.

I have strong friends around me who have helped me to cope with the bitterness. For the last four years, I have also been a member of the Bible study group in church and this has also helped me to cope. Through Fatuma’s Voice, I have also been able to meet with many people who are going through similar issues. This has lessened self-stigmatisation as I have been able to share, and find a way forward.

For me to get to where I am today, I have had to question how I can live outside of my inner pain. This has meant me going back to define who I am and what I can change from within me and outside of self. It is here where I’ve realised that I got words and I can write poetry about the issues that I have gone through, the society. I am now talking to people from across the world about this issues. After reading one of my blog posts, someone messaged me and said that they have begun getting closure. It just goes to show how one candle can light others.

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