In Summary
  • The birth added her so many spare tyres that she had to depart from her slaying ways for quite some time.

Dear Jijee,

I don’t know exactly when you’ll be reading this, but I reckon it will be a decade or so down the line and a number of things that were fashionable when you were born will be so 2017.

I would like you to know that in 2017, one of the trending terms was “slay queen”.  Maybe by the time you hit your teens in January 2030 it will be an old, toothless term but it was quite a word when you were born. It referred to the ladies who knew what to wear and where to wear it and how to ooze swag. Okay, swag may also be in the indices of history books by the time you are a teenager. It meant class, though the dictionary said it meant something else.

It will be worth noting that your mum was a slay queen until you arrived. Well, she was not exactly slaying anything but she used to ooze some swag until you were born. The birth added her so many spare tyres that she had to depart from her slaying ways for quite some time.

“Team Mafisi” was another term going strong when you were born. It had been in the Kenyan lingo for quite some time before you were born. There were even rumours that your dad was once the national Solicitor-General for the team. I wish to categorically refute those rumours as baseless, crass and vexatious. Ignore them should you come across any.

In case the term will have undergone weathering when you are a trending teen, Team Mafisi was the collective noun for all hot-blooded men, especially those who had or were seeking multiple sex relationships, just like the fisi (hyena) seeks to eat anything it finds.

Your YOB was also the time when Kenya ran out of maize, which saw the price of packaged flour soar exponentially. To intervene, the government had to import maize from Mexico then sell it to millers who ground it then sold to Kenyans at Sh90 for a two-kilogramme pack.

When you reached six months, the ugali you were weaned with was from Mexican maize. That’s why I expect you to grow up to be a hunky, romantic chap like the Mexican men your mum liked to watch on TV acting one soap opera or another.

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