In Summary

  • A common behaviour was to avoid situations that could have led to intimacy.
  • Some stopped going on holiday with their spouses because this would have forced them to be intimate.
  • Others found reasons to be away from home most of the time. Some avoided the bedroom at night.

It our tradition at the Sexology Clinic to audit medical files at the end of every year. This helps us extract lessons about better services to our clients to implement in the new year. We recently spent a good amount of time doing just that, and what hit us most is the consistency with which people deal with their sex problems in the wrong way. Be it loss of libido, painful sex, failure to orgasm, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction or the many other problems that brought them to us, the reaction to the problem was just wrong.

Almost all the patients reacted with anxiety, stress and confusion when a sex problem presented. Their immediate reaction was to avoid sex because of the attendant failure. Unfortunately, our bodies are wired to perpetuate a vicious cycle of failure, fear and failure if there is anxiety about sex.

As a result, people lost sleep. Lack of sleep led to fatigue. Fatigue in itself kills libido. Many affected people could not eat. They lost weight, health and vitality. Some found refuge in alcohol.

Their work performance was affected. They spent office hours ruminating on their bedroom failures. They could not think straight and made mistakes that their employers described as silly. Some people lost their jobs. The religious ones felt discouraged in their faith. They avoided their friends, who did not know what they were going through and therefore blamed them for antisocial behaviour.

WHEN THINGS GO AWRY

A common behaviour was to avoid situations that could have led to intimacy. Some stopped going on holiday with their spouses because this would have forced them to be intimate. Others found reasons to be away from home most of the time. Some avoided the bedroom at night.

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