5 career lessons from Sheryl Sandberg’s 'Lean In'

My colleague and I went out to get some lunch the other day. We were in such a hurry that when the lift came down, we did not wait for the passengers to alight as polite people would do but instead elbowed our way in before a poor middle-aged lady could alight.

Her murmurs of: “I’m so sorry, I am so sorry” immediately put us to shame. Shouldn’t we have been the ones apologising?

The incident above, while regrettable, is not entirely unique but speaks volumes on some of the traits we have as women which keep us from rising in our careers.

Sheryl Sandberg in her book Lean In touches extensively on this subject . The following 5 lessons are drawn from this.

Playing nice girl

I do not stand in judgment of the lady’s reaction at the lifts. Studies have been done about this ‘niceness syndrome’ among women. Books have been published on this topic.

Harvard Business School conducted a case study of a successful female venture capitalist named Heidi. One professor presented this case study of her career path to two groups of students.

He used her real name for the first group, but changed her name to Howard for the second group.

Although everyone agreed that Heidi and Howard were both successful, the distressing part was that male and female students liked Howard as a person, but had a more negative perception of Heidi's character.

Sheryl Sandberg mentions the study in her book Lean In and concludes that success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.

According to , Dr. Lois Frankel , author of Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers  this trend of “worrying about offending others” is why some women roar ahead in their careers while others stagnate.

While this is not a license to be rude, it is a call to move from meekness to assertiveness. Otherwise you will just remembered as nice and not much else.

Dr. Lois Frankel further asserts that if you recognize and change the behaviours that say "girl" not "woman", the results will pay off in career opportunities you never thought possible--and in an image that identifies you as someone with the power and know-how to occupy the corner office.

Sitting by the side of the table

The phrase ‘sit at the table’ was made popular by Sheryl Sandberg.

In 2010, she gave an electrifying TEDTalk in which she described how women unintentionally hold themselves back in their careers. In her talk, she narrates a story of how powerful women accompanied their boss to a meeting but sat on the side of the table, something that she realized was common among women (no matter what their backgrounds were).

She concludes the story by saying: Nobody gets the corner office by sitting on the side of the table.

So next time you go for that meeting, that presentation, sit at the table.

Trying to do it all

I recently attended a women-only networking event where one of the speakers, a mother of three grown sons, berated mothers of this (Generation Y) generation for being ‘lazy’ because:

“I see women going out on the weekend, maybe to a birthday party, and they carry the nanny with them so that they do not need to do any work at all.”

A few women grunted in disapproval and some hung their heads in shame.

Gone are the days of superwoman, or supermom. Studies show that if a woman tries to juggle her career, children, and relationships, then one of those things suffers.

Sheryl Sandberg urges women to make their partners real partners instead of trying to do it all. If you need help, seek help.

So go on, get your partner to do more. Get a nanny, a petty errand company, a gardener-basically do all you can do so that you can learn to invest your energy in the right places.

Living in the future

Sheryl Sandberg calls this ‘leaving before you actually leave’ and in her book Lean In, she talks about a woman who comes to her to discuss maternity , juggling a relationship and a career, raising children, etc.

Not a unique conversation, until Sheryl asks her if she has a husband and children, to which she replies-“No, I am not even dating”.

This reminded me of a friend of mine who worried about having the perfect wedding and even opened a wedding fund account. Never mind that she was then a 23-year old girl hardly a year into employment.

Do you constantly find yourself living in the future? Worrying about juggling your career while raising babies and having a happy marriage?

Then Sheryl Sandberg advices you to stop. And “Keep your foot on the pedal. Wait for those things to happen first. And then make your decision.”

Not having a mentor

One of the chapters in Sandberg’s book is aptly titled ‘Will you be my mentor’ in a slightly mocking tone, I assume, since Sandberg discourages approaching a complete stranger to ask them to be your mentor.

Instead of making such blind requests, she suggests cultivating a relationship first and being excellent at what you do, because mentors will notice and come knocking.

So be brilliant at what you do-and the mentor you deserve will find you.