In Summary
  • My mother didn’t mind that I hated to go shopping for clothes; it is not exactly free and parents never pass an opportunity to save where they can.
  • When I was 14 and at the height of dark mood swings, she never had to worry about me throwing tantrums whenever we were at a clothes store.
  • Do you have feedback on this story? E-mail: [email protected]

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. My sister who is in the habit of celebrating my milestones in this fitness journey, felt we should celebrate my just concluded ten-day detox programme.

We settled for an afternoon stroll and later shopping in Ngong town. 

“Girl, look at your flat tummy, we should get crops tops. You are absolutely rocking it, Beyoncé!" she interjected excitedly every now and then. She was lying. I am 1000 sit-ups and counting from a flat belly.  I simply rolled my eyes and shoved her playfully. She is quite something.

When we got to the town centre and started heading towards the clothes stalls, I felt a familiar churn in my stomach. My palms began sweating.

You see, I had for the longest time ever battled with a very peculiar anxiety disorder.

The fear of shopping for clothes. It is a fear I had kept hidden from most of my family and peers.

FEAR OF SHOPPING

My mother didn’t mind that I hated to go shopping for clothes; it is not exactly free and parents never pass an opportunity to save where they can.

When I was 14 and at the height of dark mood swings, she never had to worry about me throwing tantrums whenever we were at a clothes store.

As for my friends, I always came up with an excuse whenever they felt like it was time for a wardrobe upgrade. Fortunately, we were mostly broke therefore these shopping trips were rare enough for me to bail out unsuspiciously.

My fear can be traced back to the Christmas holiday of December 2007. I had just completed my KCPE exams and was looking forward to joining high school.

More importantly, my breasts which had rendered me flat chested for a whole three years after most of my friends grew theirs, finally made their bold appearance.

I happily dug out the bras I had bought three years ago in anticipation of this moment.

Looking at that mirror each day made my heart swell, I was a grown woman.

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