In Summary
  • A voter’s card will help you get rid of political rejects seeking to latch on to your temporary misery for permanent relevance.
  • It has also been demonstrated that having a voter’s card is the first step towards insulating yourself from political scrutiny.

For a long time, doctors have made us believe that laughter is the best medicine and number one stress reliever.

This week, football star McDonald Mariga shattered that myth when he proved that nothing gives you peace of mind as having a voter’s card.

In his groundbreaking scientific project that lasted exactly eight days, Mariga was able to convincingly demonstrate the health benefits that come with being a registered voter in Kenya.

The vetting panel at the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission found his study convincing as to clear him for graduation.

The following are the major talking points in the popular version.

Having a voter’s card spares you the humiliation of chewing a mental block each time a microphone is placed under your nose.

PEACE OF MIND

Kenyans holding this important card tend to adjust their neck upwards more whenever they come into contact with members of the press.

And each time a journalist asks them a question that requires thinking, they will first clear their voices with the confidence of a bullfrog.

A voter’s card will help you get rid of political rejects seeking to latch on to your temporary misery for permanent relevance.

It denies them a chance to drag your honourable name into every personal squabble they have with their political enemies.

With a voter’s card, you will spend more time watching free online tutorials on public speaking than putting political hangers-on on an over-the-roof retainer.

Having a voter’s card also empowers you to set up your campaign team on your own terms, without the baggage of carrying political deadwood who can only light a fire in their stomachs, and joyriders who have previously only seen Kibra from down their private choppers as they prepare for landing at Wilson Airport.

HAPPINESS

Researchers have proved that a voter’s card is the surest way to protect yourself from your political friends because it already sieved your political enemies.

Perhaps the greatest discovery in this study is the impact of a voter’s card on the holder’s mental well-being.

Having a voter’s card saves you the emotional roller coaster that comes with the legal process of not being a registered voter.

It saves you money you would have paid your tear glands for working overtime; it cuts your handkerchief budget by half, and removes tissue paper manufacturers on your speed dial.

During these difficult economic times when every shilling counts, having a voter’s card is not only healthy on your wallet, but to your tear glands too.

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