When a Kenyan calls you kiongozi

Kiongozi is Swahili for leader. However, in Kenya it can —depending on circumstances — carry different connotations; from the reverential, to facetious to the downright revolting.

Watch out when a Kenyan calls you kiongozi. Don't just lay flat on the plate like toast as you are buttered. They may mean well. Or hell. Kenyans have mastered the art of speaking from both sides of their mouths from great teachers to politicians.

Folks, this is a warning. When a Kenyan calls you kiongozi …

Mentally prepare yourself for a shakedown

By referring to you as kiongozi, a Kenyan is implying — and they want you to know — that you belong to a higher socio-economic and political class. You may be broke, busted and disgusted — and the Kenyan calling you kiongozi may be aware of this fact — but he wants you to feel good about yourself and, in the process, loosen your purse strings. Even stingy types are known to turn into Father Christmas, smack in the middle of April, at the mention of the name, kiongozi.

After all, kiongozi and loaded are synonymous, right? That's what social conditioning has done to us. Human minds often regurgitate mental curds. When we hear some terms, pre-imposed images come to our minds, which force us to take a physical posture — in this case, filthy rich — although it is the furthest thing from us.

And then pride takes the reins. Before you know it, a fool — sorry, kiongozi — and his money are soon parted. Which is why, when Kenyans shout, “tosha”; you should know if that's what they mean, or what they're saying is, “toanisha”. The former means, you're able to lead. The latter means they want to shake you down to your last red cent.

Mentally prepare yourself to be slaughtered

In Kenya, kiongozi is another name for a sacrificial lamb. This is the unfortunate lamb that Kenyans slaughter to pay for the egregious sins of those elected in political offices.

This phenomenon happens during electioneering or when there is an elective office. It could be the head of Nyumba Kumi or the class representative in your child's school; but when a Kenyan calls you kiongozi, take it with a pinch of salt. Scratch that. Take it with all the salt in Lake Magadi.

I experienced this sacrificial lamb phenomenon in the 90s, when I was a bodyguard-cum-ward heeler for politicians. One Nairobi leader, Papa* had done a lot of good for the community. When Papa was the mayor of the capital city, he gave folks from my hood jobs at the then-Nairobi City Council. He attended all their fundraisers. They lovingly called him kiongozi.

However, each election cycle, the entire electorate — to the last man — deserted Papa. As soon as elections were over and they had an emergency, they would make a beeline at kiongozi's office.

entally prepare yourself to be suckered

Kenyans can punk you by referring to you in reverential terms or making you feel like you're the creme de la creme in your space. That's why it's imperative not to buy the hype. People will say anything just for the heck of it, or because they are sarcastic.

Sometimes folks can employ such tactics to elicit a reaction. Every time someone calls you kiongozi, desist from entering into a bad psychological deal. Do not let the term define or alter who you are. Be you; whether they call you kiongozi or kinyesi.

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