In Summary
  • You started by spotting a girl in the market during the weekly market day.
  • You pretended to select some avocados across the stall where she was buying onions although you didn’t need any of those fruits.

I recently changed my Facebook profile photo to that of my teenage daughter who was celebrating her birthday.

A few hours after I posted the photo, I got a message in my inbox from a young man whose name suggested a celebrated hip hop artist or a Grammy award-winning actor.

In the youngster’s parlance, I am told it is called ‘sliding into my DM’ which means he is sending me a direct message.  

He complimented my good looks and asked if he could date me.

He was obviously texting in the coded and heavily truncated language that young people use nowadays that I could barely understand without the help of an interpreter.

I was sad, but not because a young man was trying to date me and write to me in a language that can only be associated with ancient Greek.

I was sad because young men have become very lazy in looking for dates. They just sit down and wait for low-hanging fruits.

At some point, I was tempted to accept a date with this young boy with sagging trousers and purple shoes just to see how brave he could get during a physical meeting.

OLD MAN

The reason I call him lazy is that in my Facebook profile, I have said clearly described myself as an old man with hard bones, hairy chest and a quickly receding hairline.

In my hobbies section, I have mentioned growing cabbages and arrowroots, changing car tyres and shearing merino sheep. If he had taken just a few more minutes of his free time to read my profile, he would have dropped his bid to date me before he sent me a love message.

In one moment of hormones surge, he just saw a photo and decided to ask for a date without the decency of putting some effort in background checks.

Those days when social media platforms were still being programmed in laboratories by some nerds in Silicon Valley, getting a date was not just a matter of sending a girl a direct message.

You started by spotting a girl in the market during the weekly market day. You pretended to select some avocados across the stall where she was buying onions although you didn’t need any of those fruits.

You followed her discreetly until she was through with her two hour shopping, during which time you had squeezed countless avocados and gotten abused by the sellers who now viewed you as nuisance. You had also lost her of her track twice, nearly giving you a heart attack.

FOLLOWED HER

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