For me it's a village wedding any day
A report on extravagant wedding ceremonies by the Sunday Nation had me floored. Wealthy Kenyans are supposedly sinking Sh40 billion annually into the wedding industry. The country earns roughly the same amount from flower exports to Europe.
Makes one wonder why we need foreign aid. But, I cannot dictate how other people spend their money, as long as it is not drawn from my taxes. Granted, there are couples who believe that the cost of expressing love should be exorbitant. But the current trend of over the top wedding ceremonies is becoming a legitimate deterrent against marriage. For most cash-strapped citizens, mortgaging one’s life to impress your uppity in-laws is not a smart move at all.
An affordable option is a fuss-free wedding at the Attorney General’s chambers. Witnesses can be the couple you met in the bar the previous night. As the world focus shifts, and as policies to eliminate wealth disparities fail to yield notable impact, citizens everywhere are now forced to step in and take action to change their dismal state of affairs.
Any responsible citizen who wants to make a difference should hold a wedding that factors in the ideals of the Millennium Development Goals. Do you visualise a carnival experience on a beer budget? Do you imagine lush tropical outdoors and clear blue skies? Do the words quaint, remote, rustic and authentic jump to mind? If so! I’d like you to consider a good old-fashioned village wedding.
A grassroots wedding in the literal sense is a low budget affair that is within the reach of most couples. This is why I want you to consider an eco-experience. Obviously, it is not an option open to all but most of us still have links with that place we called ‘home-squared’ or ’shags’.
The advantages of a village wedding are plenty. Pulling it off is a lot easier than you think. No need for a wedding planner. Travel and accommodation costs will be slashed significantly as most of your relatives will not have to be packed into a city-bound mini van.
Invitation will be via word of mouth. Unlike your snotty urban-based friends, who may take offence because they did not receive an invitation card, rest assured of genuinely happy folk at your wedding invited or not. However, a few ‘Barbie’ friends should be lured to attend so as to add glamour to the ceremony. The promise of a bundu-bash experience is all they ask. Ask them to pack tents and hard liquor.
There will be no need for an elaborate vehicle convoy as the couple can walk to church. Picture yourself strolling down the village path wearing your Pumas, the “Manolo Blahnik’s” of sports shoes, flanked by your brothers in their Sunday best outfits. The bride will not need a intricately-designed white wedding gown because everyone knows she is not a virgin.
In fact, your older relatives will be more than relieved that you finally found a woman who could hold you down. Do not forget to ask your female cousins to pluck some flowers along the way. Have all the relatives heralding your arrival with song and dance as you start to stroll down the village path.
Draw on the village communal spirit by delegating assignments early. The contributions criteria should be split into two. One task for the village folk should allow for farm produce, utensils, firewood, livestock and manual labour. For the city folk, insist on cash in sealed envelopes.
The gifts should be taken directly to the groom’s home and handed to his mother who holds the key to the store. Catering can be ably handed by Auntie ‘Kadogo’ known for her chapatis and her non-stick pilau dishes. Include an organic vegetarian option such as fresh vegetables from the neighbours’ farms for your city friends on a diet. Count on at least one goat donation to cover the roast and soup for the guests.
The reception should start as soon as the couple arrives back from church. It will probably take place under a well-shaded tree, if the weather permits. Encourage villagers to carry their own chairs to the reception. The local primary school can donate desks. Villagers are expected to surrender seats for out-of-town guests. Close female relatives should carry ‘lessos’ that can be spread on the ground for extra seating.
The church group can have their tea and soda in the main house. The village drunks should be advised to share out their harsh liquor out of sight lest they become a nuisance and upset your god-fearing aunties. An announcement should be made asking all the guests to leave by 6pm to allow the newly-wedded couple the privacy needed to consummate the marriage. Your friends from the city will be advised to take an evening stroll to the shopping centre after setting up their tents.
Later in the night, raise some extra cash for a honeymoon by charging guests who dance with the bride at the evening party. The music will be blasted from your friend’s funky car system. By getting married in ‘shags’, one also earns vital welfare points by giving back to the community. After all, the primary agenda is the well-meaning excuse for a party that includes your less privileged relatives.
It is also an opportunity for your relatives to open up their villages to potential investors. One of your friends will surely think of putting up a bar that serves chilled beer after the frustrating experience of running out of liquor. The wedding pictures posted on your Facebook page will showcase your village to foreigners from the freezing West drawing in tourists jaded from game safaris and slum tours .
