AUNT TRUPHENA: Is my wife cheating on me?

When she came home, I went through her iPad and found sexy pictures of herself that she had sent to a man. I also read their chats, which didn’t reveal any sexual encounters between them, but they left me with a lot of mistrust. PHOTO| FILE|| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Her feigning sickness when you start the discussion could be a defense mechanism to avoid proper communication. This has really messed your emotions and as such, you can only solve this by facing the matter head on.

  • You may consider involving a mediator if there is difficulty between you. You also need to take your own time to focus on yourself and not on her drama.

Q: My wife and I married five years ago. Soon after, she was offered a job far from our home. Our relationship became strained due to the distance and her long working hours. Whenever I asked to visit her she would tell me she is too busy.

When she came home, I went through her iPad and found sexy pictures of herself that she had sent to a man. I also read their chats, which didn’t reveal any sexual encounters between them, but they left me with a lot of mistrust.

Every time I bring this up, my wife gets sick, convulses and I end up taking her to hospital. She says she is depressed. I am trying to help her, but I, too, am sinking. What should I do?

 

A: I can sense a lot of devastation in you and I really empathise with you. The evidence that you got from your wife’s mails and photos is an indication that she is having an affair, whether emotional or sexual.

The communication between you and your wife seems to be below par, which explains why you are stuck. It is important that  your wife knows that she has to come clean with you and explain what drove her to this behaviour.

While I understand that she may be in too much pain and guilt to face her own behaviour, let alone talk to you about it, she should also realise that it is very necessary if you are to ever move on.

What I mean is, for you and the marriage to heal, you need her honesty through open communication – to explain her actions and also decide if she is ready to recommit to the marriage.

Her feigning sickness when you start the discussion could be a defense mechanism to avoid proper communication. This has really messed your emotions and as such, you can only solve this by facing the matter head on.

You may consider involving a mediator if there is difficulty between you. You also need to take your own time to focus on yourself and not on her drama. Remember, you cannot save her or rescue her, especially not while you’re still struggling to heal your

own emotional wounds inflicted by her betrayal. You need to allow yourself to feel anger and whatever other emotions that come up for you. You may consider visiting a counsellor. Wishing you the best.