MWALIMU ANDREW: Austerity measures to help us maintain a car

To all those who said I will never drive, I have got news for you: bad news for you but super news for me and my fans, or ‘funs’, as many call themselves.

After months of struggling, repairs; promises, work, more repairs and arguments with Ali the mechanic, I am happy to report that my state of the art red Nissan Unny is finally up and running, and if I just pay a few thousands to Ali, I will soon have the car with me; and Route 11 will be a thing of the past!

“If you thought that owning a car is difficult,” said Pius my bother when I told him of the good news, “Please know that maintaining one is very difficult.” He listed me the many costs I need to plan for: insurance, fuelling, regular maintenance, among others.

“And with the VAT increase on fuel, it will be very tough on you. You need to tighten your belt if you want to maintain the car. Or else it will be parked in your home most of the time.”

That evening, I sat with Fiolina, the laugh of my life, and agreed on a few things we will do to ensure that we can finally get, and maintain the car. Here are some of them:

Meals: We have reviewed the house menu to ensure that we only remain with essential foods. Going forward, there will be no sugar in our tea. This will go a long way in helping us avoid diabetes in future. We will also be avoiding milk — which we have been buying from Lutta. Members of my household who want sugared milk tea can go visit my mother or other people who have money to waste. These two items will save us about Sh1,600 monthly.

Traditionally, I usually buy my family beef twice a week. But according to a newspaper I read, red meat causes cancer, among other ailments. As such, effective immediately, we will only take meat in my house once a month. And since the article I read warned me about red meat, I will be buying matumbo — which is white meat and which the doctors recommend. In between, we will make do with vegetables, which are in plenty. These efforts will save us Sh1,600 monthly, which will go a long way in ensuring the car is always on the road.

Eating routines: Besides just making savings on what we eat, I have asked Fiolina to identify two days of the week: one when we will not prepare supper, and another, probably weekend, when we will not prepare lunch. On these days, Branton, Fiolina and myself will have to get a friend or neighbour where we will go for meals.

Branton will always go at his grandmother’s while Fiolina has no short supply of places to go to. As for me, I have to find new places I can visit for a meal since the only place I visit is Hitler’s. I am yet to calculate how much this will save us, but I am sure we could save as much as Sh1,000 monthly.

School lunch: When my female colleagues returned from maternity leave, they quickly revived the lunch club, and have asked every teacher to contribute Sh2,000 monthly. I will not contribute this. Instead, every morning Fiolina will be packing food for me, from the previous day’s leftovers. This is what I will be taking for lunch. I have already talked to Anindo, our school cook, who will be warming the food for me. Furthermore, since Fiolina planted potatoes, cassavas and nduma, she will be packing these for me daily, so that I avoid buying mandazis at tea break. From these two initiatives, I will be saving another Sh2,300 pesa taslimu.

Workers: We have lots of workers in my home doing small stupid jobs like digging and weeding. They have been stopped with immediate effect. Even the herds boy has to go. The three of us are enough to do the work. I will be taking care of the animals in the morning while Branton has to give them water at lunch time before returning to school, and take care of them every evening. Twice weekly, I will be going to the farm after school. Fiolina does nothing at home, and usually, after we leave, she just lazes around "beating stories" with neighbours. She will now be expected to go to the farm every day. The savings from all this? Sh3,000!

Washing: Henceforth, I have banned daily washing in my house. We cannot be wasting soap washing every time. A good example are my suits, socks and vests that are washed after every use.

Effective immediately, my suits will be washed after being used five times, while my vests and socks can only see water after being used thrice. Same applies for Branton’s, whose uniform must be washed once a week. Some people may underestimate the savings from here but take it from me, it will count to something!

House shopping: I have realised that we waste money buying unnecessary things like washing powder, tooth picks, and tissue paper. As a cheaper alternative, we will use bar soap (for both bathing and washing); used match sticks in place of toothpicks; while old newspapers or fresh, soft green leaves, will be placed in our toilet. This should save us another Sh500. I will be buying liquid cooking fat that can be reused, and no food will go to waste at all.

Airtime: Another thing that I will be using sparingly is airtime. I just realised both Fiolina and I have some Bonga points. These are what we will be surviving on going forward, and we will only buy airtime once we have exhausted the points. In most cases, we will use "Please call me". We can’t just be the ones calling all the time.

“But will we receive any visitors with all this?” Fiolina asked me. I told her that although we will not send away visitors, they should not expect anything when they visit.

“This is a poor teacher’s home, not a five-star hotel,” I said. When she argued, I reminded her to look at the bigger picture; we will have a car, and enough fuel to move around, including me driving her to her home once every two months.

She agreed with me that it is much better to drive home and go and eat ugali na kunde; than to be rained on struggling in mud and go home to eat beef! True transformation comes at a cost and our general comfort will not stand in the way of infrastructural development!