HEART ADVICE: Can I forgive my cheating ex?

How do you get over cheating? I caught my boyfriend of two years in the act – I saw him at a bar getting cosy with another woman. I broke up with him after that, six months ago. Now he is back saying he has learned his lesson, he has changed and he wants me back. How do I know he is telling the truth? I love him but I don’t want to find him cheating again.

READERS’ ADVICE:

It's unfortunate your heart is with someone who doesn't know your worth. You can't change a cheat unless he changes by himself. Don't count the loss of two years of dating – better a broken relationship than a broken marriage.

If you have found him making out with another lady, it means you are dealing with a community boyfriend.

Don't board please! It's a new year, make a fresh start. Set your relationship goals and be positive. Happy new year.

Mercy Baiyenia, via email.

It was unfortunate to catch your boy friend red handed cheating. Six months down the line, he comes back seeking forgiveness. It is important to listen to your heart. Is your heart willing to take him back? It is also important to let him assure you that he is serious in making the apology and that he is remorseful about everything that he did. Let him assure you that he no longer has any other relationship and is willing to make things work between you too. All the best.

Calvin Queens, blogger.

Even if he never cheats again, are you sure you can trust him? Besides, who is to say that the reason he came back is because it did not work out with the other girl? In other words, when people show you who they are the first time, believe them. Stay away from this one and wait for the one who was meant for you.

June Njeri, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

Having your partner cheat on you is always going to be hurtful. However if you consider taking him back you must forgive and begin a clean slate otherwise every argument will lead to a reminder of the past.

You will never know if someone has truly changed until you give them a chance, again without referring to the past. It is important to note that if you believe once a cheater always a cheat, then don’t waste their time and yours.

Only take him back if you really believe in second chances but don’t embark on this journey for you to spend half the time reminding him of his deed or for you to think he is cheating at every possible chance.

That won’t be a relationship but an ugly existence which is not worth the effort.