Career before love and marriage

Young and middle-aged Kenyans are prioritizing their careers and finding other ways to deal with their bodily needs, says Dr Joachim Osur. PHOTO| FILE

What you need to know:

  • Incidentally, technology is providing answers to this sex avoiding, profession-oriented generation.
  • A recent study shows that there is a rising use of pornography. With everyone having a smart phone or a computer with Internet connection at home, pornography via free-access sites has become easy to view.
  • Pornography is becoming the new foreplay. People watch it in preparation for masturbation.

Is masturbation a danger to your health? That was the question on 38-year-old Linnet’s mind when she walked into my consultation room, looking around the room suspiciously to ensure privacy before she spoke.

“I know it is an embarrassing question but I am seriously disturbed by it and you are the only person who can help me out,” she explained. Linnet was single. She had finished her Bachelor of Commerce degree and joined a private company as a finance assistant, rising up the ladder to become a finance manager. She was now back in school, pursuing a Master’s degree in business administration.

Linnet had been so busy perfecting her career that she had little time for a social life. She said she would only consider marriage if it added value to her life, although she hoped to have children one day. “But my sex life has not suffered,” she explained. “I pleasure myself when I feel like and I am satisfied.”

Linnet had learnt to use sex toys, which made self-pleasuring quite easy. But she got rather worried when she read a blog that claimed that masturbation is addictive and dangerous and that those who masturbate frequently will never have children. The blog concluded that only evil people possessed by demons masturbate. “I don’t want to feel guilty that I masturbate,” she explained. “I just want a medical doctor to tell me the truth.” 

Linnet is one of the new generation that views sex quite differently. With mounting pressure to succeed in life, people in their 20s, 30s and even 40s taking more years in school and paying greater attention to their professions than the older generation. Marriage and family life is continuously being reneged to second position. The number of unmarried single parents is increasing. Divorce rates are also going up. Many people are finding themselves with no partner to satisfy their sexual needs.

“I also fear disease and will not just have sex with a man for the sake of fun,” Linnet explained. “I would rather masturbate to get sexual satisfaction.”

Incidentally, technology is providing answers to this sex avoiding, profession-oriented generation. A recent study shows that there is a rising use of pornography. With everyone having a smart phone or a computer with Internet connection at home, pornography via free-access sites has become easy to view. Pornography is becoming the new foreplay. People watch it in preparation for masturbation.

“That is all understood but my question is, is it medically safe to masturbate?” Linnet insisted. When it comes to masturbation, I would include psychological, social and physical wellbeing to measure how ‘healthy’ it is. It is important to reconcile your sexual behaviour with your religious and moral beliefs in order to avoid unnecessary stress, guilt and shame.

Those who are liberal embrace the idea of self-pleasuring, and they suffer no adverse effects. “You mean it does not affect child bearing?” Linnet asked, beaming with excitement. “And what about having sex with a man when thr time comes, will I be okay?”

It does not affect child bearing neither does it affect heterosexual sex. What I have seen at the sexology clinic is that whenever one has a sex problem, they always try to relate it to the time they masturbated. This is, however, never the case.

And with that Linnet stood up, waved bye and rushed through the door murmuring words of ‘thank you’ repeatedly, as if reassuring herself of her new generation lifestyle.