Excruciating pain during sex is treatable

Vaginismus puts a strain on relationships. The basis of vaginismus is spontaneous and painful contractions of muscles around the vagina. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • It is estimated that up to 25 percent of women do face sexual pain at one time or another in their lives, and some of the cases are due to vaginismus.
  • Vaginismus is treatable. A combination of therapy, pelvic exercises, graduated self-touching and sex coaching are used in the treatment.

The first day I met Daisy, she walked into the Sexology clinic but refused to pay consultation fees insisting that hers was not a medical consultation.

“She wants to cut the queue saying that she is a busy person,” the receptionist reported. I accepted to see her but requested that she queues.

A hugely built and confident lady, Daisy’s presence was difficult to ignore. She was authoritative and forceful.

“I want to have a baby without sex,” she said looking at me directly in the eye. “If you give me quick steps to achieving this I will be out of this place in a minute.”

I reclined back on my seat, not sure how to respond to the unusual question. “Adoption you mean?” She shook her head vigorously and said she wanted a biological child.

PAINFUL JOURNEY

Daisy was a 35-year-old senior executive in one of the counties. “My constituents are waiting to talk to me in my office,” she explained.

She was single and did not have a child. Her attempts to have a relationship were frustrating because she was unable to have sex.

“I have resigned to my fate, I just want a baby and I know you can help me get one without sex,” she said gazing into the horizon and avoiding eye contact.

Digging deeper into her history, she noted at an early age that she could not allow anything into her vagina. She tried inserting a tampon when she was a teenager but felt excruciating pain and frigidity in her vagina.

She stopped it thinking that it was the effect of virginity. She wondered how her age-mates managed to use tampons but kept her worry to herself and continued using sanitary pads.

VAGINISMUS

At 25, she got into a serious relationship that would lead to marriage. The man surprised her on a holiday to Mombasa. “I however cut short the holiday and left the man in Mombasa,” she explained.

“He attempted to have sex with me but I was unable to.” She had severe pain and a feeling of heaviness all over her pelvis when the man tried penetrative sex. It was humiliating and she pushed the man away.

“Would you allow me to examine you?” I asked, wondering if there was obvious pathology in Daisy’s genitals.

“Examine me? Do it as long as you do not put in a finger,” she said agitated and scared.

I examined her and true to her word, an attempt to touch her genitals elicited severe pain. A gynaecological ultrasound and other tests showed that Daisy had no other pathology. I concluded that Daisy had vaginismus.

PREVALENCE

Simply put, vaginismus is a pain in the vagina which is aggravated by attempts at penetration or by an imagination that penetration is about to happen.

The basis of vaginismus is spontaneous and painful contractions of muscles around the vagina. People with vaginismus dread penetrative sex and tend to evade it to remain pain-free.

It is estimated that up to 25 percent of women do face sexual pain at one time or another in their lives, and some of the cases are due to vaginismus.

The exact number of women suffering from vaginismus is not known because affected women tend to keep their stories to themselves.

The fortunate thing is that vaginismus is treatable. A combination of therapy, pelvic exercises, graduated self-touching and sex coaching are used in the treatment.

PREGNANCY

I enrolled daisy into the treatment programme with a promise that she would make time to go through full treatment.

It has been four months after I met Daisy, and last week I received an M-Pesa message from her. “I am pregnant!” she shouted on phone laughing uncontrollably. “I just remembered that I did not pay the consultation fees.”

Daisy had had sex a few times in the course of treatment. I was happy that she conceived from the attempts.

I however told her that she still had to complete the treatment programme which was to last six months. We had to ensure that sex was fully pleasurable for her and that she was not enduring pain.