It’s an election year so make sure you verify what you read or hear

In the year ahead, candles will be  viable alternatives for bulbs and a digital government will fight tooth and nail for an analogue election. These are gravely uncertain times so a manual for navigating this post-fact world we now inhabit is essential. It is an alternate universe in which a highly qualified, respected minister in charge of technology can make a passionate case before the whole nation why manual trumps technology.

Do not be dismayed in 2017 if surreal becomes the new normal. This is an eternal skeptic’s guide to surviving the polls, remaining vigilant against male cow excrement and keeping your head up in this brave new world.

Public relations and the many purveyors in the dark arts will be working overtime trying to remake the images of turds everywhere. It is Uhuru Kenyatta who first put the PR in presidency and as he seeks a ticket back to the house on the hill, his acolytes will be running amok, playing fast and loose with facts. The mass obfuscation will be at an all-time high, with underperforming, thieving governors and other elected leeches trying to sway voters again. In God we trust, all others must bring data. Demand status reports of projects they promised to start, accounts for funds put in their care and a justification why they deserve a shot at leadership.

Reject hot-take analysts, pollsters and other opinionated nonsense peddlers and their horse manure this year. Brexit, Donald Trump and Kenya’s own last general election all proved that it is impossible to objectively predict the future with any degree of accuracy. When they present their charts, graphs, percentages and shaky “research” based on negligible sample sizes, dump it in the garbage where it belongs. What respondents tell surveyors often varies from their real thoughts or positions on the subjects polled, depending on where popular opinion is. Short of human intervention, nobody really knows who will win which seat this August and anyone who claims otherwise should be laughed out of town.

TRUTH IS HARD TO FIND

Look out for misleading or deliberately deceptive hashtags, trending topics and social media influencers. In the Internet age where anybody can instantly verify something with just a click or two, the truth has become paradoxically even harder to find.

“Distrust everything you read on the Internet,” the modern sage, Aristotle, once said. That last sentence will be on the Internet forever, but none of it is even remotely correct. Imagine how much worse somebody trying to get away with stolen millions or who steals an election would do in the jungle of the worldwide Web. The more connected we have become, the more misinformed we have become. “Sent As Received” on WhatsApp is a modern-day Kenyan proverb and leading clue for propaganda. Just because your church elder sent you that well-meaning forward doesn’t mean it is God-breathed and gospel truth.

Question what the media sells even though it is one of the most trusted institutions in the country. Journalists are people too and they have their implicit or explicit biases, conflicts of interest, intellectual weaknesses or children who need to be fed. Some reporters are already openly compromised and reduced to paid shills for special interests. Consume their work with a pinch of salt, compare it with content from competing outlets and make up your mind what to believe and what to discard. The same applies to bloggers with an ever greater degree of distrust because the layers of gatekeepers that exist in traditional media are virtually non-existent in cyberspace. Facts and the truth are harder to come by in a society where whoever shouts the loudest for the longest time wins the narrative. In a news cycle overweighed by temporary outrage and an endless supply of provocative tripe, finding meaningful insight is like digging for rare minerals. If you think we’ve hit a fake news crisis, it is about to become a full-blown calamity.

Stand with the oppressed, the downtrodden and the forgotten. Refuse to accept that “Kenya can do without doctors” as someone who is paid by taxpayers recently declared. Say no to police brutality or disruption because citizens have a right to peacefully assemble, protest and present petitions. Defend the constitution from contempt and abuse by the authorities because without it, the country falls into anarchy. Do not allow yourself to be divided on the basis of tribe, gender, race, religion, politics or other differences that make life worthwhile. History teaches that every time “otherness” has been exploited, grievous things have happened. Deny the idea that you need your leaders more than they need you as nothing could be farther from the truth. It will be an extraordinary year so you must guard against stupidity, hot air and the absurdity that is about to hit you. Be vigilant and on your guard!

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THIS IS WHAT YOUR CHILD SHOULD STUDY

After you’re done with your disappointment about your child’s Form 4 results, I’ve got a handy list of what they should study. I know “marketable courses” are still all the rage these days but the jobs in short supply are surprising. Okay, they are jobs that the American Bureau of Statistics expects to grow the fastest but we’re heading there, right? A wind turbine service technician is at the top of that, followed by occupational therapy assistance, physical therapy assistants, home-health aides and commercial divers in that order. In fact, in the top 16 jobs that have the highest demand, doctor, pilot or lawyer do not even rank. A nurse practitioner is sixth, much higher than an optometrist, which is further down the line. In fact, a bot wrangler, or someone who makes automatic computer programmes that interact with humans, is likely to have higher career prospects than those in traditional jobs. What I’m saying is something I have been campaigning about for as long as I can remember: stop forcing your children to follow your dreams. Allow them to go in whichever direction their creativity and imagination allows them then stand back and watch what happens. They might make more in a year than you did in 10.

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ON FEMINISM AND GENDER EQUALITY

I knew I was about to watch a firestorm when I saw the tweet, and I wasn’t wrong. “A husband should be cooked for and his undies washed and ironed,” it said. “He should be pampered. He is the head of the house please.” The woman tweeting @MaiNhiya launched into a detailed rant against feminism and why “as a woman you have no reason to be out after 8pm unless if it is work-related or night shift”. She also advised women to stay away from single friends because they are bad company and other bad advice to make sure that wives are not sent back after a week. Obviously, Twitter had a lot to say about that but I was just surprised that we are still prescribing for strangers how to live their lives. This fundamental misunderstanding of feminism even by some women is always fascinating, not least because of how misplaced the opposition is.