Fatherhood is more than paying school fees

Fatherhood is about changing your child’s diapers. It is about taking paternity leave and bonding with your baby. It is about wiping a runny nose, reading to your child and telling them a silly story about flying elephants. It is about kneeling to your child’s level when they talk to you. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • Research says that we would have spacious jails, less carjacking, rape and murder and more servant leaders running for political office if we had more fathers involved in their children’s lives today.
  • Sorry to burst your bubble, but being a good father is also not about paying the school fees and the rent and occasionally taking the mama and the kids out to lunch in some noisy nyama choma joint, and then afterwards putting them all at risk by driving them back home, inebriated. And no, it is not turning up for your child’s sports day once in a while.
  • A good father lets his child witness him as he bows down to a higher authority than himself. It is about teaching his children about God, spirituality, humility and triggering curiosity about what makes the world move.

I attended a school sports day recently and was amazed by an announcement from the head teacher.

“I am pleased that we have a high turnout of fathers today.”

Indeed, there was a big number of men in the field. The football game, of course made up of men, ate into our time, but no one complained. There was also the tug of war, which got the women bonding and the kids excited, their faces glowing.

“That’s my daddy!” squealed one five-year-old when her dad won the sack race.

Research says that we would have spacious jails, less carjacking, rape and murder and more servant leaders running for political office if we had more fathers involved in their children’s lives today.

If your wife or girlfriend has just given birth, hold off running to the pub where your friends are waiting to toast you and pat your back – many other men before you have sired a child, the real job lies in how you will bring up your child. Question is, will you be meaningfully present in his or her life?

Fatherhood is not just about getting someone pregnant, most men can do this, even with their eyes closed. Sorry to burst your bubble, but being a good father is also not about paying the school fees and the rent and occasionally taking the mama and the kids out to lunch in some noisy nyama choma joint, and then afterwards putting them all at risk by driving them back home, inebriated.

And no, it is not turning up for your child’s sports day once in a while.

HIGHER AUTHORITY

Being a good fatherhood is about getting your hands dirty.

It is about catching a glimpse of your wrinkled newborn child, feeling the elation, followed immediately by panic after acknowledging that having brought a life into the world is not enough, that you must now man up to raise that infant into a conscientious adult that upholds integrity.

A good father is hands on. Fatherhood is about changing your child’s diapers. It is about feeding your baby and maintaining good humour even when he throws up on you. It is about waking up in the middle of the night to sooth your baby to sleep. It is about taking paternity leave and bonding with your baby. It is about wiping a runny nose, reading to your child and telling them a silly story about flying elephants. It is about kneeling to your child’s level when they talk to you.

A good father lets his child witness him as he bows down to a higher authority than himself. It is about teaching his children about God, spirituality, humility and triggering curiosity about what makes the world move.

A good father gives his time, guides, disciplines, provides and protects his child. Fatherhood is about supervising the homework, never mind that the vowels no longer sound the same, or that you were a poor student. After their teacher, your children think you are a genius!

You want your child to grow up respecting you? Respect their mother.

So your marriage is over, or your girlfriend got pregnant but your relationship cannot stand a chance in hell. A responsible father sits down to a civil discussion with his child’s mother and commits to be actively involved in his child’s life. If you are a good father, you will shield your child from your love interests until you meet the one that will be kind to them and be respectful to their mother.

As for mothers who withhold a child from their father, you do a great injustice to them. So what if he is a jobless, lazy, good-for-nothing, (blip) person? He is not your father, he is your child’s father and deserves to be in his or her life if he wants to.

Responsible fatherhood is about doing all those things they lied to you were a woman’s job. Such as raising children.

A woman can only be a mother, never a father, that’s your responsibility.