For unmet 2018 resolutions, you still have 2019

I did not write down my resolutions this year. Not because I didn’t have any, but because this frustrating cycle needs to stop.

Every New Year’s Eve, I write down impressive goals; ‘read three books a month …. Start the first draft of your best-seller novel … run two marathons.’

Come end of the year, I stare at that list with a sinking feeling in my heart. A good number of those resolutions go unmet.

So I trash the list, crumble it up and throw in the trash can like a badly written manuscript. Except it isn’t because my procrastination plague will not allow me to write a manuscript … not even a bad one!

CYCLE

It is a cycle that has been going on for the past five years. Sometimes I wish I never listened to that profound sermon by my reverend some five years ago:

“This is your year, child of God! Now, go ahead and whip out your notebook and pen. Fantastic, I want you to write down five things that you hope to achieve this year. Now keep that list because 12 months from now, you will shout your testimony, Hallo! Can I hear an Amen!”

That was my first time to write down New Year’s resolutions, lofty goals that deprived me any chance to testify during the next cross-over church service. And the next. And the one that followed.

Over the years, I tried everything from ensuring the goals were not too ambitious to shutting my eyes tightly when the good reverend prayed over our folded bits of paper. None of it helped.

Before leaving for this year’s cross-over service, I stared down at my 2018 goals. “Attain target weight … didn’t happen. Save x amount … didn’t happen. Start a serious relationship … ha, tough luck!’

I began crumbling the list ready to toss it to the trash can that stood with its mouth wide open, waiting for its annual treat of unfilled resolutions, but then I stopped.

NERVOUS GIGGLE

“This needs to stop. You cannot keep writing down brand new resolutions every year and achieving none of them. Try to commit to something for once!” scolded a stern voice. I turned around, but there was no one there.

“Go ahead and trash that list. Draw new goals for 2019, how about learning to bake? Yes, you haven’t used that one yet. Let me see … Oh! How about buying some cows, dairy farming is big!” the voice shot again, this time I figured it was in my head.

 A nervous giggle escaped my lips as I straightened out the piece of paper. The voice in my head was not pleasant, but it did not lie. The cycle needed to change, I was crossing over with my 2018 resolutions.

Looking back, I realise that the failure to meet my goals can be attributed to three things: procrastinating, lack of planning and outright indiscipline, especially in spending money and managing time.

Then when the year ends, I hit a “re-set” button and, because no one likes to be reminded of past failures or to cry over spilt milk, I come up with brand new resolutions that are a distant cry from the failed ones.

However, this year I realised that my re-set button was a myth. I am still the same me from 2018.

 My past goals are valid and still necessary to get me to where I aspire to be, I mean that’s why I write them down in the first place right? Just because I failed to meet them doesn’t mean they have lost their value.

So, no more procrastination. No more pretending that last year’s unmet goals didn’t happen. I plan to focus my energy in crossing off those items on my list as “done” and if it doesn’t happen this year, I will carry it forward to next year.

My reverend would say, “Every waking moment is a chance to do it right. It is not over until it’s done.

It is only the year date that has changed, everything else remains pretty much the same. So I will not have a backlog of unmet goals, and neither should you.