In Summary
  • A man who understands the times we are living in is able to support his wife to navigate through the bad moods.
  • A woman cherishes a man who takes care of her and shows concern. It reawakens her mood and brings back the passion.

It has been a while since I attended a chama meeting.

I was therefore pleasantly surprised when the chairperson asked me to attend a meeting last Sunday.

As you may be aware, I am the only man in the women’s welfare group. I am normally invited to give expert opinion when sex issues are being discussed.

“The truth is we no longer want sex. We are never in the mood, and our men are getting jittery about this,” the chairperson said as she welcomed me to address members. “We want you to explain how we can get our sex drive back because we are worried.”

Members nodded in affirmation. Unlike previously when there would be a lot of heckling and joking in these meetings, a heavy silence fell upon the room.

It occurred to me that the chama members could have lost focus on sexuality, and their relationships were in disarray. It was no wonder that they rarely called me to their meetings anymore.


Anyway, the discussion proceeded. Lack of desire for sex in women has bothered scientists for years.

In one research study, scientists followed up 3,300 women over a 10-year period, studying their trends in desire for and frequency of sex.

They concluded that everything zeroed down to the mood of the woman. If the mood was elevated, they desired for sex and had it.

If the mood was foul or depressed, they lost desire and had no sex. The right mood therefore remains the paramount determinant of whether a woman will want sex or not.

At a certain age in life, there are too many stressful demands that ruin your mood. At work, bad bosses can get one into bad moods.

One can also experience stress at the family level: what with demands of child rearing, finances, sick parents, among others.

Add to that the frequent misunderstanding between spouses, and sex is taken out of the equation.


A man who understands the times we are living in is able to support his wife to navigate through the bad moods. The big question, however, is whether men know how to bring their women back into the mood.

“Wow, you just hit the nail on the head!” the vice-chair shouted interrupting the expectant silence in the room.

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