In Summary
  • Looking back, I realise he was very nervous that first day because he hardly said a word.
  • He told me he was somewhat seeing someone, had just lost his dad and was generally not in the mood for anything serious other than friendship.
  • This sounded perfect to me given that I had just decided to take a year off dating following my frustrations of dealing with men who couldn't keep their word.
  • Would you like to share your own love story? Please e-mail: lifeandstyle@ke.nationmedia.com

The memory of 2015 would be incomplete without mentioning how my love for fried chicken led me to the love of my life.

It was at my parents’ home. A friend had previously introduced us in strange ways and we talked on phone for a few days before deciding to meet. I figured if he turned out to be  horrible, then the people in my father’s house could easily “take him down.”

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

My initial impression of him was, “No thanks. I'll pass.” A good sense of style is important to me and he is the kind who shops once in three years. The man doesn't care for clothing at all.

On this particular day, he had on jeans in a style I hadn't encountered since the nineties, a t-shirt and converse shoes.

Looking back, I realise he was very nervous that first day because he hardly said a word. He told me he was somewhat seeing someone, had just lost his dad and was generally not in the mood for anything serious other than friendship.

This sounded perfect to me given that I had just decided to take a year off dating following my frustrations of dealing with men who couldn't keep their word.

DEEP, ENDLESS CONVERSATION

Cupid, having no respect for personal decisions, had other plans for us as we found ourselves engrossed in deep endless conversations. After the initial nervousness wore off, we both found a beautiful, calming, serene friendship in each other filled with laughter and epic dates

It all sounds fairy tale and Hollywood until this part: getting intentional about being vulnerable. I remember it was him who pointed out that instead of fighting about things or sparking arguments, or working to make sure the other person sees things our way, we should try to speak honestly about our feelings first.

EXPLOSIVE ARGUMENTS

In our past relationships, we had experienced explosive arguments, silent treatment and cold war tactics with our respective partners. I was not up for another bout of similar drama hence readily accepted this new idea of solving disagreements. Mariga and I spenttime to come up with agreed upon resolutions that created a much needed vulnerable space for our love to thrive.

In our agreement, we stated that we would allow the other to vent their frustrations about the relationship without getting offended, using deliberate language that told the truth as opposed to attacking.

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