In Summary
  • It has been seven years since my last relationship. It was a nasty break up and I was reluctant to get into another relationship because of the heartache.
  • Then I got onto the self-discovery journey and there hasn’t been space for anyone else. But I think I am now ready.
  • I will know Mr. Right when I see him but I know that I need him to love God.

Ruth Njagi, 34, has battled an addiction that many women would find hard to confess. She speaks to Joan Thatiah about her struggle to stay her path, and what that has taught her about herself.

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“I was about six years old when I was defiled by three pre-teenage boys from our neighbourhood in Kirinyaga County. We had been playing at their house when they attacked. I ran home for safety but unfortunately, there was no one home that day. It all happened very fast and I pushed the incident to the back of my head.

“It was only years later, when I got to high school and heard girls talking about sex, that I realised something had been taken away from me. I sought refuge in books. I would read every chance I got. Like any teenager, I began with mushy romance novels; I enjoyed the fantasy. Then curiosity led me to the more hardcore, sexual readings.

“Things began going wrong the year I finished high school. I was home alone all day and with all this time on my hands. I began watching pornography. A year in, I discovered Internet pornography. I still remember the first time I walked into an Internet café and logged on. I remember the weird looks I got, I guess because I was a girl.

“In 2002, while in college, Jesus found me and I gave my life to him. This didn’t stop me from engaging in my guilty pleasure every chance I got. In 2005, I learnt to masturbate from books I read. By 2008, I was an addict.

Ruth Njagi's book Love Unlimited: Set Free by a Greater Love. PHOTO| COURTESY

FEEDING THE ADDICTION

“Like many addicts, I learnt to hide my addiction. At first glance, I was a regular young adult. I had a stable job working as a counsellor and a sexual purity educator. I went to church every Sunday. I loved Jesus. In secret, I watched pornography and masturbated. The more porn I watched, the higher the dose I needed to get satiated. I would spend a whole weekend indoors binging on pornography, only leaving the house to attend church service.

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