In Summary
  • Don’t you think this child will need a father?
  • I suggest that you sit down with this woman and take responsibility for your child.

Dear Kitoto, 

I appreciate your advice to readers.

I am a 24-year-old man. Things were going really well for me until I met this woman at her office. We chatted briefly, before I left. About six months later, we met again at a different place. I didn’t recognise her, but she reminded me who she was and this time we exchanged phone numbers. Thereafter, we became friends.

About four months later, she poured her heart out to me and then asked whether she could visit me the following day. Since I was free, I told her she could come.

To cut a long story short, she came and spent the night, even after I had told her I was in a serious relationship. I don’t even know how everything happened, but now she is pregnant and wants me to marry her! She is 26 while  my girlfriend is 20. Please advise me.  I am really confused because I don’t want to lose my girlfriend.



I do not want to go back to the reasons why you got yourself into this mess.

While you might not have been aware of her ulterior motive, she had her plan in place. Your dilemma is twofold: First, you cheated on your girlfriend with another woman, who is now pregnant.

Second, you have two issues to deal with: how to  tell her it is over even though she is carrying your baby, and how to deal with your girlfriend. The truth is that you are soon going to be a father. What are you going to do about it?

Don’t you think this child will need a father? I suggest that you sit down with this woman and take responsibility for your child.

Another issue is how to handle your girlfriend. Now that you are going to be a father, will you tell her about it, or will you support the child secretly? I suggest that you have a session with each woman separately and candidly discuss what is in your heart.

What you should avoid is aggravating the already complicated situation.

Be open and simple and give clear directions on where things are going. That is the only amicable way to deal with the situation.


We’re serodiscordant; dare we hope for a future together?  

Dear Kitoto, 

Thank you for the good work you are doing. I am a saved, 37-year-young, HIV-negative man. I have been dating this wonderful, 32-year-young beautiful woman whom I love dearly and hope to marry. She has been quite open with me about her HIV-positive status, for which I am truly grateful and touched, and has made love her even more. I don’t want to lose this woman. Kindly advise whether this relationship has a future, and what the challenges facing serodiscordant unions are. 



Thank you for your kind words. We appreciate the fact that this column touches many people.

Back to your questions: I would like to congratulate you on your openness.

Disclosure and constant dialogue are key for a relationship to thrive. The fact that you know each other’s status is the first step in planning your future.

With advancement in science, doctors can today help you deal with the many health-associated complications.

Whether one is HIV-positive or not, it is important for singles aspiring to get married and engaged couples to seek  advice regularly on reproductive health  and other health-related issues.

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