Let him be nice, he was made that way

I was crossing a busy street in Nairobi the other day with a huge back pack on my back when this man stopped to guide me.

“Ngoja kwanza hiyo bus ipite madam (Wait for that bus to pass first).” I stopped to look at him. He was middle aged, rugged; he could have been homeless.

If I had followed my first instinct, I would have been irritated, ignored him, hugged my clutch purse closer to my chest and very quickly crossed the street. This time I stopped and he stood there for the few seconds it took me to safely cross the street and then, with a look of satisfaction on his face, he went his way.

This man reminded me of the day guard who mans the building where I live. When he has listened to the news and heard that that there’s been riots in Nairobi, he will warn me not to go in that direction when he sees me leave.

I always stop and listen to him. It seems to me like a natural instinct in males to protect.

I know, these towns are swarming with men looking to take advantage of and take from women. Every woman has had a nasty experience. Because of this, or perhaps in a bid to show our independence, a lot of women do not allow men to be gentlemen.

I think there is potential in every man to be good, mindful, chivalrous. A good man is a combination of natural instinct and learned behaviour. This potential just needs to be nurtured – by the man, of course – but in a friendly environment. What if your natural reaction to a man’s acts of kindness ceased to be suspicion or getting defensive? What would happen then?

I have a friend who is raising a 10-year-old boy. Every evening, when he comes back into the house, she makes sure that he saw whatever girl he was playing with enter their house before he came home. “I am trying to raise a good man,” she says.

We have done well. There are plenty of strong, ambitious men and women out there. We value the idea of a strong male figure. But not that of a good one.

There’s a good, protective nature in every man. Instead of running away from it, let it be; try enjoying it even. If he wants to walk on the inner side walk, let him. If he wants to wake up in the middle of the night to check that creaking noise, let him. If he holds open a door for you, instead of letting your mind go on over drive, say thank you. It will not take way from your strength or your independence.

Let him protect you. He is made that way. As long as he is not abusive to you or anyone else in the use of this strength.