Love gone twisted

“It was a lonely day in December 2014 when I made the decision to end my life. I was alone and three months pregnant. My then boyfriend had walked out on me after an argument. I hadn’t eaten for two days.

“All I had with me was my phone but I was hesitant to call my mother or my friends. I was embarrassed. I mean, I had always been that strong, level-headed woman. How could I admit that my boyfriend was abusing me? Also, he had always been this thoughtful, charming person around our friends and family and I doubted that anyone would believe me.

“So I did the only thing I thought would end my problems: I downed a bottle of pills I had on my dresser which had been prescribed for a chest problem earlier in the year. As I lay on my bed waiting to die, I was overwhelmed by a sense of guilt because of the child that I was carrying. With my waning strength, I managed to walk out of the house and find the caretaker who, together with two other tenants, took me to the hospital. 

“Unfortunately, by the time we got there, it was too late. I was already bleeding. I lost the baby. I was in the hospital for two days during which I neither heard from nor saw my boyfriend. It was only after I was discharged that I called my mother to pick me up. I wasn’t ready to share with her the details of what had happened. I said nothing about the abuse, just that I had lost my baby. 

I found my boyfriend back in the house we shared. Just like the previous times we had fallen out and he had been violent, he was very apologetic. This time though, I knew that I was done with all of it.

WARNING SIGNS

“Ours had been a classic whirlwind romance. He first saw my number on a business card and decided to get in touch with me. That was in January 2014. What followed was four months of a fast-paced, long distance romance, he in Nyahururu and I in Nakuru. As fate would have it, I lost my job at a hotel in Nakuru and moved to Nyahururu.

“Our bond grew even stronger. Now we could see each other every day. We met each other’s parents and even began talking about a wedding the following year. Seeing as we were spending all our free time together, we decided to just move into one house. After all, we were going to be married. It made sense.

“It was when we started sharing a living space that I realised just how jealous and controlling he was. Having no day job, I took on a modelling job that I did mostly on the weekends. My absences made him even more jealous. He would call me all day when I was away, then he started calling my friends every time I was out to confirm that I was really where I had said I would be. It was embarrassing.

“Then, six months in, things took a turn for the worse. It was a weekend and I had been away for a modelling gig. When I got back, he accused me of cheating because my phone had been off. That was when he first hit me. By the end of that night, I was hospitalised with a broken arm. He was remorseful thereafter so I kept mum, telling myself that maybe things would get better.

“Then he began isolating me from my friends.  He would get jealous and we would have fights during which his anger would explode. I wasn’t even allowed to meet my friends, especially if there was a man in the group.

“This went on until that fateful day in December when a male friend called me while I was in the shower and my boyfriend picked up the phone. He was very rude to my friend. When I came out of the shower, I called to apologise to my friend. Then all hell broke loose. My boyfriend beat me up and then packed his clothes and left the house leaving me with nothing. That was when I hit rock bottom and attempted suicide.

PICKING UP THE PIECES

“After I left him, the rest of that December was tough. I was depressed. I couldn’t stand the sight of blood. Still, my family did not know what was happening. They thought I was just mourning the failed relationship while I was in fact struggling with feelings of guilt for having lost my pregnancy the way I did.

“I wanted to move to a different town where I could start all over again. First, I moved to Thika where a friend realised that something was wrong and paid for me to see a counsellor. When I started talking about all of it, I began to heal.

“After a few months in Thika, I found a job at an events company in Nanyuki and moved. It was here that I healed some more, made peace with my loss and got the strength to stand on my feet again.

“Early this year, I quit employment to start my own company, Wanja Ngiri Consultancy. I spend my days planning events and trips for my clients. In May, I met a man who made me want to give love a chance again.

“It has been a happy five months. I am in a happy place. There are still days that I think about my experience but I have made peace with my past.”