In Summary
  • The month is at a really “bad place” and no money has checked in.
  • But as the legendary soul singer Gloria Gaynor once put it, “I will survive, I will survive, I will survive.”
  • Do you have feedback on this article? Please email: lifeandstyle@ke.nationmedia.com

When it rains, it pours. But sometimes when it rains, it just doesn’t just pour. Sometimes there’s a devastating storm, characterised by dark, gloomy clouds that spit lightning remorselessly and capricious winds that seem to be on a pointless mission of vengeance.

At least, that’s the picture I got this past Sunday.

My mum had come to visit me and to make her comfortable, I had rented a car to chauffeur her with.

She has developed back problems so matatus are a huge inconvenience for her.

On Sunday, she said she wanted to leave so I dropped her in town where my brother picked her and took her home. I had initially wanted to return the car immediately but the devil told me to drive back to the hood and relax first. I did exactly that and on the way to my house, I stopped outside a fast food joint to get some lunch.

PARKED CAR

I parked the car and walked to an M-Pesa stall that was just next to the food joint to withdraw some cash first. I found the attendant doing her nails.

“Naeza toa 2k?” I asked.

“Uko na ID?”she responded, without looking at me.

I checked my wallet for my ID but surprisingly it wasn’t there. I was sure I had put it there when I left the house.

“Sina ID. Nimeisahau. But nitakwambia ID number,” I told her.

Hapana. Enda ukuje na ID,” she responded.

WORRIED

All this time, she hadn’t looked at me even once. I checked my wallet again but the ID was nowhere to be seen. I started getting worried. I always fear losing my ID or any other important national documents because I hate going to government offices.

All my experiences in government offices and institutions have never been pleasant.

I recall how a lady at Nyayo House talked to me very rudely when I was trying to get a passport a few years back. I told her to style up and in return, she refused to serve me.

I am a calm guy but I don’t like being pushed or disrespected so I refused to step away from the counter. This led to a standoff.

The security guards were called to escort me away but I was as immovable as the rock of Lwanda Magere.

More security guards came over and upon realising that I would be the loser in the end, I came up with the bossy lie - “Mnajua uncle yangu ni nani hii Kenya? Mnanijua kweli?”

UTMOST KINDNESS

I acted like my uncle was a big fish. I picked up the phone and pretended to call him. All of a sudden, everyone became humble and they all urged me not to take any excessive action.

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