In Summary
  • There are women who just get spontaneous involuntary spasms of vaginal muscles during sex.
  • Occasional growths in the pelvis, uterus or vagina can cause pain during sex.

Sex is meant to be pleasurable, but at times it can be painful and agonising. Jane described the pain so figuratively that it moved my imagination to another level.

“It’s like someone cutting you with a rough blade of a saw, the very rough one that they use for felling large logs,” she said, “the pain is unbearable and I usually spend the rest of my night crying.”

Unfortunately, many men will not understand what she’s going through. In fact, it’s said that men feel heroic when the lady is writhing in pain. They mistake this for unbearable pleasure. No wonder some ladies just choose to take off, literally.

“I left my first boyfriend because he could not understand what I was going through and kept insisting on having sex,” she said, “but now I am married and I cannot just quit!” I nodded with understanding as tears welled up Jane’s eyes. I could only imagine the agony she was going through each day.

Occurrence of some pain when losing virginity is normal. A virgin has a thin membrane covering most of the vaginal opening. This membrane, also called hymen, stretches and even tears during the first sexual intercourse, and this causes pain. This should, however, end after the first, second or third attempt at sex.


When pain persists after virginity is broken, other causes should be investigated. A common cause of pain is what I may call self-inflicted pain. There is this evil called douching. It is the physical cleaning of the vagina.

In an attempt to be really clean, some women douche with soap, detergents and other chemicals and even spray perfume in the vagina. The sensitive vaginal tissue reacts with water and the chemicals. Once the irritation and inflammation has happened, the sore vagina hurts during sex.

For others, pain may be due to inadequate preparation before penetration. Foreplay helps the woman to relax, leading to lubrication of the vagina.

A tensed woman with a dry vagina experiences unbearable pain during intercourse due to friction and anxiety. While men may get instant erections, a woman needs time to be psychologically and physically ready, and this calls for foreplay.

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