SEXUAL HEALTH: The gold digger nightmare

Choices have consequences! That was former United States President Obama’s message to Kenyans during 2013’s general elections.

Through one of his top envoys to Africa, he insisted that Kenyans should be conscious of the impact of the choices of leaders they elect.

I, however, find this message more appropriate for sexual choices that people make these days to the extent of dating gold diggers.

These are women who for one reason or another choose to have a relationship with men for material gain. They do everything possible on earth to achieve their non-intimacy objectives.

THOUGHTS CROSSED MY MIND

These thoughts crossed my mind as I counselled Jenifer and her husband at the sexology clinic.

The couple had not had sex for close to a year. Wilson, Jenifer’s husband, had come to the clinic to request that I plead with his wife to accept to have sex with him again.

Incidentally, Jenifer had totally lost interest in sex. Reason? Her man had been dating a 26-year-old slay lady.

Jenifer, 40, was a high schoolteacher. Wilson, 43, was a sales manager. The couple had been married for 15 years and had three children.

As Wilson put it, he strayed for a year with the girl who initially came across as caring and affectionate but later turned out to be a gold digger.

According to Wilson, she used all the tricks to drain his bank account. Within one year, Wilson had bought her a car and an apartment. He had used all his savings and was unable to pay school fees for his children.

“My troubles began when I told the lady to keep off because I had finally decided to concentrate on my marriage,” Wilson explained, “she became wild, called my wife and forwarded pictures and messages of all the things we had done in private.”

She even shared a copy of the log book and title for the apartment that Wilson had bought her together with bank transfer details showing the money was paid from his account.

She insulted Jenifer and told her she was good for nothing, that she could not satisfy her husband in bed.

She told Jenifer that she would do everything possible to get her ‘rightful share’ of the man.

Jenifer, caught in a war that she knew nothing about, was devastated. She had never imagined that her husband had another woman.

She did not have the energy to fight a woman she knew little about. She was annoyed by her husband’s betrayal.

She contemplated walking out of the marriage and started doing her groundwork on the best seamless way to do it.

HIV TEST

Wilson apologised but Jenifer could not come to terms with what was going on.

She had never imagined being in a marriage with an unfaithful man. She developed hatred towards him.

She contemplated killing him but lacked the strength to do so. Sex was out of question for her. She could not give herself to him again.

She even feared that he could have infected her with HIV. She did a test secretly, and luckily it was negative.

“I am really trying to forgive Wilson but my body has totally rejected him,” she explained during the counselling session, “I try to love him again but my body just won’t allow me.”

The gold digger continued sending hurtful weekly messages to Jenifer and this did not help her situation. The messages had attachments of her nude photos while with Wilson.

Jenifer blocked her phone number but each week she used a different number. Crying had become the order of the day for Jenifer.

“Wilson, sex is impossible under the current circumstances,” I said, “we have to find a way of stopping your woman from insulting your wife before we can resolve the sex issues.”

Jenifer reported the threats to police and the lady was arrested. In her defence, she said Wilson had promised to marry her as a second wife only to turn around and say he was going back to his wife. She said she felt cheated and used. She demanded an apology from Wilson and a payment of Sh1 million to start a business.

Realising how sensitive the matter was on his public image, Wilson requested for an out-of-court settlement. He ended up apologising and paying the lady Sh500,000 to have her keep off his life.

Back to counselling Wilson and Jenifer, things were not rosy. As Wilson was sorting out the mess with the lady, Jenifer secretly filed a divorce in court.

She refused to come to the clinic for counselling. She said it was no longer safe for her to live with Wilson. She confessed that she had tried to poison him several times after the betrayal.

She walked out of the marriage with her three children. As fate would have it, Wilson’s choices had born serious consequences.