In Summary
  • Sexology exists – because couples ought to enjoy pleasurable sex in order to remain drawn to each other.
  • So, have sex to enjoy as well as pleasure your partner for the survival of your marriage.
  • There are days when one feels less sexual. One or two days of such in a week is acceptable, but not always.
  • Even when you are not in the mood, you should still endeavor to make yourself available to your partner.

It had only been two days since Alice and George had their wedding, but things were already pretty bad.

They spent their honeymoon fighting because George wanted sex while Alice did not.  “I am a virgin. Why should I have sex now given that we do not want a baby this soon?” Alice asked when she and George came to the sexology clinic.

Alice had just graduated with a law degree and passed her bar exam. George was a 30-year-old pastor in one of those modern Pentecostal churches. Alice attended the church where George pastored. I realised that I was attending to a highly opinionated intellectual and spiritual couple who seemed to seek a reason for everything they did in life.

“Purity is something I cherish and I preached it to Alice but that was before we married,” George explained.

“Well, you only said negative things about sex. You never justified that it would be of use at any point in life,” Alice interrupted.

There are many reasons why couples should have sex often; reproduction is a minor reason. Maintaining intimacy and growing the marriage is a major reason for sex. Do not discount the role that pleasure plays in making you intimate with your partner. In fact this is the reason Sexual Medicine and Sexology exists – because couples ought to enjoy pleasurable sex in order to remain drawn to each other. So, have sex to enjoy as well as pleasure your partner for the survival of your marriage.

'LESS SEXUAL' DAYS

There are days when one feels less sexual. One or two days of such in a week is acceptable, but not always. Even when you are not in the mood, you should still endeavor to make yourself available to your partner. The second reason to have sex is therefore to please a partner who is in need.

“That sounds very enslaving, I do not agree,” Alice interrupted.

“Well, it may be the woman who has the urge and the man who is down sexually; whoever is in the mood should try to bring the one who is down up to the mood,” I replied as George nodded vigorously. “This is not a license for rape in marriage, consent is still supreme.”

One reason couples remain united in marriage is emotional connection, which develops when people communicate. Having sex also helps grow an emotional connection. If not for anything else, have sex to grow and sustain emotional connection.

Page 1 of 2