Be your husband’s lover in marriage

Have you ever imagined being someone’s ‘lover?” Perhaps while you’ve been reading a romantic novel? Leading a shocking, even shameful life. But all that excitement…

In fact, you already are a lover. Your husband’s lover. You can enjoy a sex life full of anticipation, excitement and intimacy, all wrapped up in security, love and commitment. Maybe you were like that early on, but somehow you’ve let it slide. Or perhaps you’ve just never pictured yourself that way? Either way, you’re missing out.

Start to change by creating space in your life. Because if you’re endlessly running from one commitment to another, you won’t have time to be a lover. Creating space for intimacy will involve making some tough choices. Saying no more often. And disappointing some people. But it’s worth it.

Start thinking of yourself as someone who enjoys sex and intimacy. Make time to unwind and dress so you feel good. Listen to sexy music and wear a little scent, even if only in the bedroom.

Think about times you’ve enjoyed sex in the past. Imagine things you might do in the future. Revisit places you went when sex was steamy between the two of you. You’ll soon start getting interested again.

Maybe you let your husband do most of the initiating? That’s OK — but lovers aren’t passive. So try initiating sex - you’ll feel wonderful being in control. And your husband will be delighted. Kiss him passionately, like you mean it. Touch him. Respond when he touches you. Let him know what you want.

Crank up the sexual energy in your marriage: sexy texts, nicknames, code words, kisses and touches. Say stuff to your husband that stretches your sex talk comfort zone. Plan and look forward to sex.

Remember the things you did when you were dating? Do them again! Wink at him from across the room. Flirt with him. Play with his hair. Take a shower together. 

Touch his butt as he walks by. Let him know you still think he’s special. Try new positions, different times of day, new locations, a change in tempo. Try stuff that’s slightly daring and outside your comfort zone.

Send the children to a friend’s house to get some time alone. Or get them to bed early, watch a movie and make out like teenagers. Boozy restaurant meals will have you both falling sleep early. Instead, plan dates that leave you relaxed, refreshed and in the mood for intimacy.

Put your phones away, talk and unwind. Go to bed together at the same time every night. And make love regularly. And often! Yes, I know you’re tired. But sex is important if you want to stay close as a couple and build a long lasting marriage. 

And it doesn’t always have to take a lot of time. A few moments every night kissing and cuddling will do wonders for your mood, and the sense of connection between you. 

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