HEART ADVICE: Should I get my revenge?

I called it quits with my boyfriend because he disrespect me. I had also suspected him of double dealing me with another lady. I found out my suspicions were correct because I confronted her and she confirmed they were dating.

The thing that hurts me a lot is that this guy told the lady that I was the one pursuing him so now the lady thinks I'm bad. Now he says that what he and I had was real, and that we should get back together. I am very bitter about all of this and I am tempted to revenge. Please help.

READERS’ ADVICE:

Sorry for what you are going through. You don't have to bitter. Set goals on your way out and move on. Remember not forgiving someone is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die. Secondly, if the guy already disrespected you once, what makes you think he won't do the same? What if he is after rebound? Don't act desperate. Time heals. Take your time and don't move into another relationship with unfinished business from a previous relationship. All the best!

Mercy Baiyenia, via email.

You had valid reasons to call it quits with your boyfriend. Disrespect and double dealing was too much for you to handle and that is fine, you saved yourself the trouble. Getting back together with him as he suggests will make you look like a side dish that he can control whenever he wants. Sit him down and give him the reasons why you decided to quit. Even though your heart might be willing to get back together with him, you need to be careful lest he repeats the same mistake which is going to hurt you more. Lastly, you don't need to think about revenging. It will cause you more unnecessary harm.

Juma Felix, via email.

Remaining in a relationship for revenge is not only immature but is unhealthy. Instead, try to concentrate on how to make your life better. Remember: The best revenge is living well. Move on and live your life. If any wrong was done, the Universe will take care of it. What goes around comes around, as they say.

James Njoki, via email.

Leave him and his messiness behind. Move on with your own life and focus on growing yourself and the things that make you happy. Eventually, if you take your time to study any new potential lovers instead of rushing into a relationship, and if you take the time to really get to know yourself and your boundaries, real, true, happy love will find you.

Emma Wanjiku, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

Unfortunately, relations are never guaranteed and in your case, you found out that there was another woman. Yes, it hurts but revenge will do nothing but degrade you.

Considering you ended your relationship I would recommend you move on and avoid falling into a deeper hole by allowing him to seduce back or you ending up revenging and having no fulfilment.

It is evident that he feeds women lies to gain their favour; he is surely not worth your time or effort. Take that negative energy and assert it in things that make you happier with or without a man. Do not for one minute allow him to win by focusing on his deeds.