In Summary
  • Okello has a big hand. Big is not even a good enough word for it.
  • He has a humongous hand. It can even serve as a playground for children.
  • It can hold a political rally.

My new residential place continues to serve more drama than an African-American reality TV series.

This past Sunday, I had a good time watching (and trying not to laugh because I might be next) as Okello the shopkeeper decided to ruin the Easter of his debtors by showing up physically to collect his money.

Apparently, some tenants had his money and they hadn’t paid him for up to three months.

And here I was, thinking that most apartment dwellers are only two years away from appearing on the Forbes rich list.

I was at Okello’s shop when he decided to close it briefly and storm the apartment block.

He was specifically triggered when he saw one tenant passing by his shop with a shopping bag full of items from one of the major supermarkets.

He couldn’t believe that a person who owed him had the guts to just walk past his shop with goodies from somewhere else.


You see, Okello is not your ordinary shopkeeper. His shop is a state-of-the-art facility. It looks so good the government can lie it cost 10 billion to build. He has a 40-inch smart TV in it that he watches whenever he’s bored. He likes to watch CNN and Discovery Channel. He’s always up to date with American news. He’ll be selling you bread then he goes “Are you aware that Robert Mueller redacted his report about the misgivings of the Trump administration?”

Say what? Robert who?

He also has a woofer where he plays rare music every day. Yes, every song that is heard playing in his shop is a song you’ve never heard before.

Apart from being a shopkeeper, Okello also doubles as a shylock. He is the Tala of the estate. He is literally competing with China when it comes to lending money.

For Okello, English is his default speech setting but when he is angry, he usually switches to Sheng very quick. That’s why when Calvo, my Subaru-driving, always speeding neighbour saw him approaching and decided to make a U-turn, he shouted “Oyaaa buda! Hepa kama una mbio!”

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